What's Up?..

Howdy and Hey! Wow it's been awhile since I've been here. I've just been soooo busy. That's such a lie. I haven't been busy..I've been on Pinterest. Holy Schamolie...what a time waster sucker. Yeah...I could maybe need an intervention.
Cue August! (Yikes! Where has the summer slipped off to?) I will be doing a fantabulous photography project starting August 1st. I am so excited to get creative!! And Small is helping me...she's undoubtedly thrilled. ( Be checking out the Eos Photography blog...you know you want to!) Otherwise...upon viewing the command center...August does look a little hectic. You know...that last minute getting ready for school rush. I know that there are some travel plans in the works, a photography session, a retirement celebration, and a high school reunion! Add a few doctors appointments, a couple of VIP birthdays, grocery shopping, and another round of puppy shots....August is smokin in my little corner of the universe...and I don't just mean the temperature outside!
News from my world....just finished a couple of wonderful books...let's have a review! (Newly founded..as in just now started book club...Bananas Bookshelf! Catchy right?) *What Would Audrey Do?*: Audrey as in Hepburn. No lie..I love her. (From the 'blurb'...WWAD is a complete Audrey primer, with rich anecdotes and insights from the people who knew her best, and Audrey-inspired lessons on love and dating, beauty, style, raising children, creating a home, chic travel tips, success, and generosity.) It's all about tackling life's problems with Hepburn grace and style. Read it. Now. *The Power Of A Praying Wife*: Fact that I am NOT a wife aside, this book did offer me alot of insight on how to pray..and pray correctly...for the relationship that I have and the relationship that I want. It was a little schmaltzy at times...and occasionally a little too 'King of the Castle' for me...but all in all I walk away with a new insight. That's the important part. OK..so right now I have on my nightstand the following ~ mindless pitter patter fiction (John Grishom, Emily Giffen, and James Patterson--beach reading), a diet book (that I intend to read and follow beginning August 1st), the Percy Jackson series (that I received for Christmas..gotta fill the Potter void!), and The Bible. Expect further book reviews in forthcoming blogs.
Oh! I got a surprising email a few days ago. Funny how random my life is sometimes. I am withholding sharing  more right now...but I am praying for change, for honest revelation, and for strength. To You: Keep the faith, best wishes, and thanks.
Just a little sadness to share. As many of you know, I have been a raving lunatic lately. My hormones are completely whack...I cried during a commercial for Winnie the Pooh the other day for crickets sake. (And don't even get me started on all the bawling during the final Harry Potter.) I have hot flashes that would make the Devil himself move to Antarctica. I can't sleep and when I do it's interrupted and restless. Oh...and I'm cranky. Really. Really. Cranky. And if that wasn't enough....I am in constant pain. SO...here's the new medical plan of attack...for the next three months I am on hormone/ovary suppression therapy (fancy speak for birth control pills.). Then...removing the ovary. Followed by...menopause. While I thought originally this was the course of action that I wanted...I now find myself depressed at the thought of menopause before I'm 40...the loss of children I can't have (and don't even want)...and the possibility that this may not even fix whatever is wrong. This is only complicated by the fact that my brother is having another baby. While I am OVER THE MOON happy for them (and so excited to be an Aunt again!)..it still tugs at my heartstrings a little.
Moving on!! I also want to let you know that beginning August 1st, I will be focusing more on this little ole blog..and providing insight and inspiration once again (hopefully daily..but no promises.)! I have gotten away from my journey for awhile...but I'm back...and ready to tackle that brambly overgrown potholed path to peace and harmony!
Now that I have written a novel...bottom line...August is HAPPENING!! Both blogs will be jam packed with new ideas, creative endeavors, and exciting events! Are you IN?? Just say yes..it will be FUN! If it ISN'T...you can kick me in the shins or something!..but have I ever let you down? I didn't think so!

XOX

Life lately...

Jiminy and Crickets I've been busy. And quite honestly I'm exhausted! Hey...has anybody seen Sleep? Cause he seems to have taken an extended vacation or forgot my address or got mortally wounded by Insomnia. Stupid Sleep. Imma gonna kick his ass.
I'm sure THIS doesn't have anything to do with it:

Yep...that's the new baby girl puppy Windy. She's cute right? Uh-huh...she whines. A little. OK..a lot. I think she actually might have scared  Sleep away..
Or maybe it's that ill tempered old pal of mine...Kidney Stone. Yeah...she made a bitchin appearance last week. Spent the night in the Emergency Room..haven't been right since. Of course...I haven't really slowed down much either...perhaps I need to settle in the sand for awhile tomorrow? Hmmm.
I will have to let you know!

     XOX

Love on the side of the road..

You know that moment when the stars align in perfect unison with the rotation of the Earth and something magical happens? No? Well...today it happened here. RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. ME. For serious!!
A little background...Small and I play the "Punch Buggy" game. Ad nauseum. Constantly. With serious and sometimes bloody results. There is screaming, name calling (La Whos Zer!), and downright ruthless aggression. It's a problem in our family.
Fast forward to today. Here we are...driving to the beach..minding our own beeswax...when WHAM! There it is...the PERFECT punch buggy. Cue the squealing...and heart palpitations...and tears...and joy...and adoration. We created dreams of surfboards on top (we don't surf...), hula girl on the dash, just following the open summer road. We pictured ourselves with tan lines and sandy toes..gypsies for the beach. We named our baby girl and promised her an esteemed place in the household.
And that was all before we even got to the parking lot.

We finangled a turn around. Under the guise that something this beautiful must be captured on film! And then we see it....the 'For Sale' sign.

Now the stars have moved from perfect unison to cruelty and malevolence. What kind of heartless world we live in that such a lovely creation cannot be mine. And to taunt me so...I can touch you, look upon you, caress your perfect exterior...only to have to abandon you..alone and forsaken..and unwanted by the callous being who owns you now.

I am sad and forlorn. My dreams shatter and crumble in front of me. Never before have I seen such perfection in metal and paint. A 1969 (!) Volkswagen Beetle. In teal blue. With white leather and chrome interior. And a stick shift. Fabulous..beautiful..automotive happiness.

My dear sweet Veronica Blue..you WILL be mine. (And Small says she is keeping you forever.) Oh yes...you WILL be mine.

     XOX

Chill out...

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it's always ourselves we find in the sea.

~e.e. cummings

My life is like a stroll on the beach...as near to the edge as I can go.

~Henry David Thoreau

The cure for anything is salt water-

sweat,

tears,

or the sea.

~Isak Dinesen

The Sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.

~Jacques Cousteau

On the beach, you can live in bliss.

~Dennis Wilson

Eternity begins and ends with the oceans tides.

~Anonymous

May you each discover your own bliss. 

 
  XOX

Summertime!!

Oh yes...it's finally here! The days are long and sunny (Oh and let's not forget HOT!!), routines are relaxed, happiness is abundant!! Life is GOOD!!!
There has been so much going on already..so many changes (some good, some bad, some really weird.). The wedding road trip was a HUGE success. So much fun..seriously...uncontrollable spilled over the edges lets do this again fun!! The trip from Chicago to Virginia was quite the adventure...a new route, a dead camera, and a silly little girl. There were lots of laughs and a few surprises. Weird how life sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
We have a house full of people..and dogs..and chaos~but it's all good!
And my brother and sister in law are having a BABY!!! Yum! I am completely giddy and over the moon~so happy for them both! And I can't wait to meet the little Peanut!! (Oh and babysit..oh and take pictures..oh and commence melting.) Yeah...we're uber thrilled.
Everything is changing...Small is already making BIG plans for her summer vaca (thrill parks, road trips, wii, no bedtime, lots of swimming...)! I have quite a few upcoming photography sessions..plus scheduling in some major beach time! In fact...I see a trip to the boardwalk in my immediate future! He just works...all the time..but that's good~it keeps him out of our hair!!! And I think the little puppy just plans on sleeping all summer..he says it's too hot for anything else!
I'm also working on a couple of inspiring and informative blog posts...so don't be all running off or anything! I will squeeze in some blogging time!
So there you have it..our summer in a nutshell!! What are YOUR plans??

     XOX

A letter...

To Whom It May Concern (THIS MEANS YOU):

   Yesterday was Father's Day. A day to pay tribute and say thanks for all that he means, all that he is, and all that he does. Now perhaps you disagree, but it isn't about you. And perhaps you think he doesn't DO enough..but that deposit you get every month begs to differ. And really, it isn't even about what he does..it's about that he loves..and he does love his children.
   I get that you are hurt...but Jesus Fucking Christ...get over it already. To use your children to inflict intentional hurt on him is a new low..even for you. And the fact that they IGNORED him DID hurt him. Deeply. They never acknowledge him at Christmas. They forget his birthday. But Father's Day? They only have one dad...and he buys them Christmas gifts that they never get, and calls them on their birthdays, and thinks about them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. Calling him one day a year isn't asking too much. Hell, even my sometimes asshole of a dad got a phone call yesterday. (The saddest part of this is when I cry because they didn't call and he comforts me saying "I never expected them to call...it's MY reality." How heartbreaking.)
   He IS their father..a fact that you remind him of whenever is convenient for you. You write to him that they cry and write little notes about how hard it is to have to go through this and not have a dad. They DO. But you make it impossible for him to have a relationship with them..and when they have an opportunity to reach out to him...they don't. If you continue to deny him the basic rights in which the title of Father affords him (visitation, phone calls, holidays, respect).. how then can you be surprised when he chooses to reevaluate the role he plays? Or further more to move on to happiness elsewhere? For what he pays you alone each month (which is never enough for you)..the very LEAST that you can do is facilitate and foster his relationship with his children. I have no doubts that if the roles were reversed you would more than expect the same courtesy.
   My daughter spent DAYS crafting a gift for him-the father that she knows and loves. It was heartfelt, meaningful, and creative. And it included YOUR children. Her actions only cement further a place in his heart-a place that YOU will never again possess. She does not try to replace his children..she thinks of them as her sisters. The fact that she loves him and took the time to show him not only makes me proud of how I raised her and who she is, but it proves the caliber of man HE is. He is a great dad and a great provider. And even a 10 year old can recognize that fact.
   So we had a wonderful day here ~ we grilled out, we laughed, we snuggled, we played games. We showered him with love and praise and adoration. We were together. I think I can speak freely when I say that the only thing missing was his children. One phone call, one card, one school picture...would have gone a LONG way. My heart hurts for him...and I am saying the things that he is too polite to say to you. I can only pray that someday, when your children grow up and are no longer influenced by you, that they will know and remember that they have a place in his heart and his life. And they WILL grow up and leave you (for that's what children do)...and you will be alone, and bitter, and angry. But he will be loved and happy and at home with people who adore, respect, and admire him. And WANT to be with him...not just when it's convenient...but when it's messy and ugly and inconvenient and hectic. Not just important days...but every other day as well.
   Now go and cry and boo hoo to your friends, your family, and your lawyer about how mistreated and misunderstood you are, how mean I am to you, and how much he has hurt you. But know this ~ he has a family here who appreciates him, accepts him, and supports him. And we all love his children. He goes to sleep at night wishing he could tuck them in and keep them safe..but knowing that right now he is doing what he can..and he is content and at peace..comfortable in his surroundings and reminded that his heart is where it belongs. And that it will heal.
   (While you can take this letter and turn it into whatever you want...it is not intended as a guilt trip, or retribution or attack. It is simply the facts as I see them. Yesterday is over...we move on to today, and tomorrow, and next week. And hopefully we learn something and take that with us. We are all doing the best we can....opportunities are everywhere ~ opportunities to change, opportunities to exceed expectations,  opportunities to speak softly, opportunities to do what is right (even if it's difficult) and opportunities to show love. Grasp them.)

            XOX

Ready to go..

OK...everyones bags are packed and come this time tomorrow we should be arriving at my mommas house in my little bitty hometown. A little rest and relax and then it's off to Chicago for the wedding of the year!! Looking forward to time with the fam...and an excuse to dress up, hit the town, and party like a rockstar! Please God....let it be an open bar.
Probably won't be much blogging..oh who am I kidding..there won't be ANY blogging. Sorry folks. You will need to find some other form of entertainment while I am gone...though let's be honest...we all know life sucks without me! I will be back sometime on Monday...with lots of stories to tell and pictures to share.
But because I can't just leave you hanging..here's what I am thinking on for the next few days. Ponder and discuss amongst yourselves.

Today I welcome happiness into my life. No matter what's going on around me I choose to be happy. I will stay in a constant state of gratitude. I connect to my source, for I know with God all things are possible. I welcome good people into my life knowing that each person in my life is there for a reason. I know that there's a lesson to learn from each situation.
Today I will become contagious. Everywhere I go I will spread love, happiness, and joy. No matter what the world throws at me I will throw it back a smile. Lord God, use me today to spread happiness and put smiles on as many peoples faces as possible. I will spread optimism and positivity in every environment that I walk into. I will smile and defeat all adversity today.
Today I will watch carefully the words I use. I will speak what I want in to existence with all faith. I will focus on good things that I want in life-what I focus on I will eventually get more of. I will not gossip or engage in negative conversations about others. I will uplift others today with gratitude, love, and praise.
Today I release and let go of the thought patterns that have caused stress and anxiety in my life. I allow my worries and fears to fade away. I am safe and secure in my body. Peace and serenity now flow freely into my life. My mind has realigned itself bringing my whole being into a healthy positive balance. I love and accept myself right now for who I am.

Lessons that I will be focusing on-and practicing-in the upcoming days. Lessons that we all should heed from time to time.
I love you all!! See you next week!

        XOX