Lessening Stress..

*Apologies for my last post. It was a tad dark and gloomy...I'm in a mood and I took it out here. So let's try today to focus on the positives...let's examine the nicer side of my personality. Forget everything you've previously read about me....continue...*

Is there a woman alive who doesn't suffer from stress? Yeah, I didn't think so. But if there IS...find her, make her tell you her secrets, beat it out of her if you must. Whatever works for you! OK..violence might not be the best solution. So let me offer this...I have spent the better part of this year dealing with an ABNORMAL amount of stress. For serious. Weird, unrelenting, imaginary, real, difficult, miserable, crazy stress. I've had more than my fair share. And I'm stubborn...but I do eventually learn. So in lieu of imaginary no stress lady..I'd like to offer the following suggestions (most of which I have learned the hard way and struggle with..daily..):

• Cultivate gratitude. Be thankful. (We do 'Thankful Conversations' around the dinner table every night.) 
• Take an hour a day to indulge in solitude. (It's so hard...I know...but it's important.)
• Begin and end each day with prayer, meditation, and reflection. 
• Keep it simple. And by 'it' I mean everything. (Life is not a race..or a competition, people.)
• Keep your house picked up. (I personally fail at this alot. But we all know that we feel better when our house is tidy. Order begets order.)
• Don't over schedule, overextend, or overdo. (Chill out...relax..we all have the same 24 hours in a day.)
• Strive for realistic deadlines. (Rome wasn't built in a day.)
• Never ever make a promise you can't, or won't, keep. (Especially to yourself.)
• Allow an extra half hour for everything you do. (This one seems a little unrealistic..but shit happens and we get behind and then we get frustrated. Bring on the stress.)
• Create quiet surroundings at home..and at work.
• Go to bed at nine o'clock twice a week. (Sleep is rejuvenating. Indulge a little.)
• Always carry something interesting to read. (Gossip Rags, NYT Bestseller, your kids geometry book, The Bible. Whatever floats your boat.)
• Breathe...deeply. And often.
• Move...walk, dance, run, swim. Whatever you enjoy.
• Drink water. Lots of it. (After you've had your coffee of course.)
• Eat only when you are hungry. (No more standing in front of an open door fridge at midnight.)
• If it's not delicious, don't eat it. (Enjoy what you consume. Take time to savor it.)
• Be instead of do.
• Set aside one day a week for rest and renewal. (Even God took a day off. So can you.)
• Laugh. Out loud. Often. (Laughing with others is better.)
• Always opt for comfort. (There's a place for LBD's and stilettos. Go with the sweats.)
• If you don't love it, live without it. (Especially true for people. Learn to let go.)
• Let Mother Nature nurture. (She's good at it.)
• Don't answer the telephone during dinner. (Don't text either. And turn off the T.V.)
• Stop trying to please everybody. (You can't.)
• Start pleasing yourself. (You can.)
• Stay away from negative people. (And try to limit your own negativity.)
• Don't squander precious resources: time, creative energy, emotion.
• Nurture and cultivate friendships. (Healthy ones.)
• Don't be afraid of your passion.
• Approach problems as challenges. (Overcome them.)
• Honor your dreams. (Happiness is found when you are doing what you love.)
• Set achievable goals.
• Surrender expectations. (This is the big one. Expectations breed disappointments and resentments.)
• Savor beauty. (Especially yours.)
• Create boundaries. 
• For every 'yes'..let there be a 'no'.
• Don't worry; be happy. (Now you're singing...it's OK to admit it.)
• Exchange security for serenity. 
• Care for your soul. 
• Cherish your suffering. (Learn from it.)
• Express love every day. Every. Single. Day.
• Show kindness.
• Search for authenticity.

Remember, happiness is a living emotion. Will you wake up one day stress free? Probably not. But you can learn..as I have..to slow down and begin living. And you will notice change. I promise.

XOX

I Quit..

There are days that beat me up. There are weeks that drag me, kicking and screaming, through the brambles. There are months that leave me lost..and confused..and broken. It happens...it happens because I am alive...because I care...because I open my heart and soul to the world.
TODAY I QUIT.

I quit...
Thinking things might ever change.
Trying to keep in touch with friends and family.
Dieting.
Being OCD about the cleanliness of my home.
Getting my hair cut. (Random..but still I quit.)
Being nice to undeserving people.
Cooking.
Being excited about decorating the house for the holidays.
Obsessing over my photography.
Saying yes to everything.
Worrying about what people think.
Believing people are good. Some people are just bitches. Feeling sorry for them, praying for them, worrying about them won't help anything or change who they are.
Trying to please everyone.
Using my filter or being politically correct. If you can't handle me, you shouldn't be around me.
Pretending I am ever going to be any different. Or better.

Things I WANT to quit...
Obsessing about finances. I am never going to be independently wealthy.
Worrying about my health. Death finds us all eventually.
Letting stupid random bullshit affect and upset me.
Giving crazy bitter angry people space in my life, my head, my thoughts, or my heart.
Staying up late when I should be sleeping with my boyfriend.
Making excuses.

Change happens when we least expect it...but there isn't any reason why I can't give it a little *shove* in the right direction. Commence shoving.

XOX

Fall-y Fall Fall Fall..

My favorite time of year! And quite honestly...Fall has been uber kind to us this year! There has been an abundance of blessings, beautiful weather, great friends and family, and new beginnings! And because Fall would not be complete without a trip to the local Farmers Market...

And Oh My Goodness...the veggies were Yummy!!! The pumpkins and mums are all nestled decoratively on my front stoop (thanks to Smalls creative effort!), the evening air is getting that crisp snap, and I am enjoying the sounds and smells and views from my deck. Life is good.

XOX

Freedom..

According to the Buddha's teachings, the most basic condition for happiness is freedom. Not political freedom, but freedom from the mental poisons of anger, despair, jealousy, and delusion. As long as these poisons are allowed to form in our minds and grow in our hearts, happiness cannot be possible. He suggests that if we learn to take good care of our own suffering, we can help others to do the same. That, he claims, is the path to true happiness.
So let it go...all of it. I promise it won't be easy..it won't be fun..it won't be painless. I promise. But it will be worth it. Strength, clarity, compassion, forgiveness, truth, grace, love, mercy, happiness, passion, contentment, possibility. Charity in your heart. ALL WORTH IT. I know. I know this because I'm right there..making the journey..learning to accept and release my sufferings, learning to take good care of myself..and my heart..and my failures, learning to open up to the freedom that is possible. I'm right there. Every day, every moment, every step.

XOX

Today..

Thank you Lord. Amen.

XOX

Housewife Redefined..

I got the best email the other day...and it got me thinking. Well first it made me laugh...then it made me mad...then it made me laugh again..and THEN it got me thinking. And I decided that not only did I need to share it with you...I needed to dissect it and discuss it...at length.
We all know that I am doing my very best to convince you him her them myself that I am a stay at home mommy housewife. Most of the time I am pretty good at it....except when it sucks. And let's be honest...it sucks alot. Most of the time. But still...I'm good at it. Pretty much. Here is the dilemma...this isn't 1950...and I sure as Hell ain't June Cleaver. Unless ole Junie is a tattooed, foul mouthed, uncrafty, wine drinking type of gal. Don't go getting me wrong...I'd LOVE to be one of those apron toting, pearl wearing, cake baking, PTA chair mommy, mitten knitting, bless your heart cutesy wifeys. But I'm so NOT.
So here is the email...The 1950's Guide To Being A Good Wife. Oh Hell Yes....

1950’s Guide to Being a Good Wife

From Housekeeper Monthly 1955

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. (Plan and cook dinner you say? Sure thing. Nothing says "I've been thinking about you and am concerned about your needs" like a plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.)

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. (Work weary people you say? I've just prepared you a lovely non lethal dinner. But let me take the time to not look sweaty, and tired, and hungover and bored. A ribbon and some make-up? How about a clean shirt and some deodorant?)

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. (One of my duties you say? Because I don't have enough to do. Let me be more interesting for you. How about you just stare at my boobs and we call it a day? And isn't my ribbon gay?)

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the house just before your husband arrives. (Clear away the clutter you say? Well shit...I might as well just clean the house. Oh but look...I have a ribbon in my hair.)

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables. (Gather and dust you say? So we're back to the cleaning? But..all this cleaning is messing up my pretty ribbon.)

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. (Light a fire you say? In all my cleaning and ribbon tying I have probably burnt dinner and the fire is coming from the kitchen. Chinese take out provides me with immense personal satisfaction. How does my ribbon look?)

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.  They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. (Prepare the children you say? "Hey Heathens...your father is on his way home so shut the fuck up! I'm encouraging it! Please don't make me choke you out with my ribbon.")

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. (Greet him with a smile and a desire to please you say? Eat your fucking dinner and then warmly and sincerely rub one out in the shower. Here..use this ribbon.)

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important that yours. (Listen to him you say? I'll listen to his immensely important topics of conversation..right up until I slit my wrists with a butcher knife. Shit..did I get blood on my ribbon?)

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.  Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. (Make the evening his you say? I've spent all day cooking and cleaning and beating children and putting on fucking makeup..no..please..go out to the strip club. I hope you get herpes. Stop looking at my ribbon.)

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. (Peace, order and tranquility you say? Well...it WAS..until HE came home. With his herpes. I've got a renewal for you. Bastard. Stupid fucking ribbon.)

Don't greet him with complaints and problems. (Don't greet him with complaints you say? How about divorce papers?)

Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. (Don't complain you say? He stays out all night with his stripper whore...damn straight that was the minor part of his day!)

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. (Make him comfortable you say? Here Darling..I fixed you a lovely Drano Martini. Now lie back and relax until you choke on your own vomit.)

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. (Arrange his pillow you say? How about right over his face?)

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. (Master of the house you say? We will see about that.)

A good wife always knows her place. (Knows her place you say? Yep. Standing over his dead carcass.)

Anybody think I should get a job outside the house? Nope? I didn't think so. I'm so committed to this 1950's housewife gig. I've been picking out ribbons all day!

XOX

Remember Calm..Reduce Chaos..

Some days are shaped by simple pleasures..others are redeemed by them. Today (especially today as I notice it's raining outside) I think back on such days- beautiful summer days at the beach- days shaped by joy and simplicity. An afternoon in the sand with my family, irresistible reading, wonderful music in my ears, laughing as the waves lap at my ankles and bury my feet further into the cool sand. Then back to my comforting home, a refreshing shower, a cocktail, conversation and cooking, an abundance of delicious food, laughter and loved ones. And then to bed...happy and content.
An Irish proverb tells us "Better one good thing that is, rather than two good things that were, or three good things that might never come to pass." On those days there was no need to glance longingly at the past or project anxiously into the future...because the present was fully lived, abundantly enjoyed, and completely calming. Those days were rich with one good thing after another until the day..and the goodness...literally overflowed.
But, unfortunately, not all my days are beach retreats full of serenity. Sometimes there are battles...both real and imagined, created hurts, mental and physical exhaustion...that send my day careening out of control. My heartbeat is accelerated, my coping strategies confusing, my well laid plans kaput. On these days I realize I have three choices before me, but only one real life solution: scream at the top of my lungs, retreat to the bathroom, or take a deep breath and redeem the day with Plan B.
Since the primary role of Stay At Home Mom is not to do anything that might alarm children or confuse pets, clearly screaming is out. And since it's really neither feasible or sanitary to drown yourself in blue toilet water (not that I would have enough privacy to do so), the bathroom is out as well. So...I pour myself a cup of coffee and recall the Hasidic prayer, 'I know the Lord will help..but help me Lord, until You help.' The reality is that today will only be as hard as I make it. Or as easy. There is nothing I can do about right now but accept it and get it over with. I remind myself that it is always my choice. I don't have to LIKE whatever life throws at me, but I can certainly catch the ball. After all, winning the game of life is not how well we execute Plan A...it's that we employ and cope with Plan B. And that we have one.
So I consider Plan B...redeem the day with familiar comforts, relaxing rituals, and faith and family. I take my coffee to the front porch and sip it while I watch the rain. I play with the puppies. I study cookbooks and decide on something new for dinner. I pick a movie to snuggle up and watch with the family before bed. I decide to bake a cake for dessert. I clean the kitchen. I spend the day focusing on the one good before me that is, rather than the two that were, or the three that obviously will not happen today.
My day stretches before me. Not as I had hoped...but, thank goodness, not beyond redemption. Tomorrow is, after all, another day. And there is always the beach.

XOX