Conversations with myself...

Before I begin tonight's blog, I need to let you all know that I will be away for a few days. I am taking a much needed, much anticipated vacation. I know I just missed a week of blogging not so long ago...but the flu doesn't count as a vacation! So the ground rules have been laid and the bags are packed. Know that I will keep up on my reading and my journaling...and I will have much to share when I return. Try not to miss me too much!!
So recently my dear, sweet cousin let me in on a little secret. She keeps a "thankful journal" in which every day she writes down things that she was thankful for. This is a brilliant idea...thank you Sweets for the suggestion! It seems as if most of my adult life I have passionately resisted keeping a journal of my own. It seemed like too much effort and I really don't have the time to devote...nor do I want to read, many years from now, about all the trials and tribulations I have..presumably, hopefully...left behind. Not that I don't have alot to say...you know I do. I thought that this blog was my journal of sorts...but I realize and understand now that it isn't enough. I am now aware of all the conversations that I continuously carry on with myself. There is rarely a quieting of my mind. Instead I hear..."The dog is acting funny, I wonder if he is sick? Am I ever going to get paid again? The living room furniture is looking a little shabby. What don't I know?"...and so forth. I have discovered that my mind will grab hold of a single thought and not let go till I am either exhausted or disinterested.
So...here I am desperate to quiet the the voice in my head. I found an empty journal and began having it out on paper. Everything that I have been worried about spilled out in a rapid stream of consciousness. What I learned was that I was not so much simply recording the events in my life...but I was eliminating the mental chaos that is depleting my creative energy and driving me crazy. I was learning to let it go so that I can get on with it...my day, my life, sleep...whatever. The writer Jessamyn West advised "Groan and forget it." She's right.
Psychologists tell us we need to perform a new behavior for twenty one days before it becomes habitual. So my challenge to myself is to write...every day...for twenty one days. I am shocked already at how much complaining I have already done. I suppose it's perfectly healthy. Right? I hope that if I moan about my situations for long enough I will decide to do something about them. Maybe I'll get tired of the sound of my own nagging and be inspired to get moving. I just want to get down on paper whatever is hovering on the horizon of my brain disguised as a dull headache. One that refuses to go away.
Alison Lurie confessed that "With pencil and paper, I could revise the world." While I do aim for universal domination...someday...right now I would be content with just revising my own world. Oh...and maybe I can sleep. Ah...that would be lovely.

...Job 22:23 You will be restored if you remove unrighteousness far from your tent.

Tonight I offer praise for the joys in my life. I am praying for quiet repose, for free flowing thought, and for knowledge. I am praying for safe travels in the days ahead. I am praying for good behavior. I am praying for restored trust. I am praying for open communication. I am praying that they don't get too comfortable without me! And I pray for her (even though tonight I don't really feel like it.).
See you all on the flip side!
Goodnight and God bless.