Preparing for Resolutions...

Well. It seems it's that time of year again. That time of year when the inadequacies of our lives start poking around in our brains and our subconscious...and maybe even making themselves a little more outspoken and irritating in our public lives....the parts that should be private and quiet and hidden away. The parts that we are ashamed of. The parts we want to forget about. The parts we SAY we want to fix....but we all know we don't. And won't. In an effort to save time...and some unnecessary frustration...I have decided to keep things base and simple this year.
I have tried very hard to make my life an open book....give in order to receive. Love, so that others may love you back. Practice kindness and watch kindness spread. Let hate and anger go...in order to welcome peace and calm....YEAH.....

2013 can suck that plan.....cause it worked like an atom bomb to my heart in 2012. Fuck that plan. I am READY to kick 2012 to the fucking curb...BUH BYE BITCH. You can take your 'peace and calm' and well....{BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP}. (In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not entirely sure what just happened right there. But editing was ABSOLUTELY in order. My apologies.....moving on.)
So here's the new plan of action for 2013. The Resolutions for those less inclined to shut the fuck up and just go away (...um, me). The Resolutions for those tired of swallowing the hate, and anger, and pride (...um, again me). The Resolutions we (...by that I mean I)..keep...cause we (...I..) WANT to.

 MY BADASS REBEL KARMA RESOLUTIONS.

 (If you're a scardey bitch....you might want to start being scardey.....cause shit's about to get real ugly. And it's prolly about YOU. Bless your heart.)

1. Grow my very small seed of hatred to a beautiful burning bush of contempt. Fertilize it with your bullshit and water it with your ever present tears.
2. Use more appropriately placed swear words when describing you, dealing with you, or having any normal conversations about you. Invent new ones if necessary.
3. Stop secretly planning/plotting revenge and allow Karma to put her plans out in the open. No more hiding. Just sit back and wait for your own implosion. Because let's face it...you're doing a better job destroying your own life than anyone else EVER could. And it's so much more fun to watch from the sidelines. (OH...and since we aren't "friends" anymore, I don't feel bad about not being there to pick your fat wailing carcass up off the floor when some other drama 'serves' you.)
4. Define the differences between disdain, hatred, and full on loathing. Because you seem to have them confused. Once everyone is clear...I shall publicly announce the winner in each category. Give cheap prizes!! Everybody loves cheap prizes.....and you are about as cheap as they come.
5. Close my circle of friends. No new applications will be accepted. Shred all old resumes. Use wood chipper if necessary. Bridges are burned. Second Chance Bus has left the station. Probably should tell you now...in case I don't have an opportunity later....."tsk...I told you so."
6. Do everything in my waking power to destroy all those who oppose, dislike, or have ever tried to ruin me. The past is BACK....and its PISSED. Check your lies...cause I'm coming to check them for you.
7. Find supreme and glorified happiness in your misfortune and misery. And it's coming. Soon. Watch your back.
8. I am going to smile, and cheer, and bat my eyes, and send you cards, and pay your bills, and pray for your heart, and worry about your precious children, and pretend that I am your biggest supporter and best friend.....

        all while I go to bed with the amazing husband you threw away, have coffee in the morning with the amazing best friend you threw away, and live the most amazing life...that you threw away.

So I will sit and drink wine excessively and stupidly to 2013 and to all the GREAT KARMIC changes that are coming. Thanks to my KARMA RESOLUTIONS 2013.

And if you don't like them.....
Well, then I suppose I would, very sweetly and with much love, suggest that you Fuck Off Sweetie!

Laters Taters!
XOX

Easie Peasie Lemon Squeezie..Black Friday 2012!

As most of you know, last year I braved the Black Friday Shopping Extravaganza with my bestest chum Louper. An adventure of EPIC and COSMIC proportions occurred. I had doubts that such a feat could ever be topped.....and stand firm in my belief that it was truly a once in a lifetime event. (For those that might require reminding...please pour a cup of coffee, relax, and read aloud here.)
I had HIGH HOPES for a repeat performance this year. Karma however did not. The odds were NOT ever in my favor for Louper Banana Crazy Ninja Night. Work issues made it impossible to leave on the date I needed to, my wedding anniversary fell on Thanksgiving this year (making it a little more challenging to ask to be away from the sweet Hubs...for shopping), money was wicked tight since now we are making an extra car payment each month we didn't really bargain for, and the freaking trains just don't understand my NEED to NOT want to be on a Greyhound bus for another 5 hours after riding on your train all night. SSSOOOOO.......looked like my trip to Virginia, to Louper, to Jennays house for Thanksgiving, to the money spending madness, to fame and glory and laughter and tears and bad coffee and bladder accidents---CANCELLED.

{Insert sad Banana} 

So, I consoled myself with too much Thanksgiving food, climbed miserably into my warmest comfiest most socially unacceptable pyjammies I could find....and crawled into bed. I turned on the TV, I relaxed with the Hubs and the Small, we laughed, we watched movies, and in general...we had an amazing time. I totally missed the bestest chum....and wondered what she was doing (smashing into people with carts?), where she was (Starbucks?), how many people she had killed (< 2 was my best guess), and if she was miserable (the answer better be yes.).
AND THEN....Louper calls me!!! "Heller. Banana! I have picked up the vast majority of items on your gift lists this year and a few more that I thought you SHOULD add. Because I am awesome and amazing. Go ahead and tell me so. I'm waiting. OK, you're in shock...you can tell me later. So glad we had this chat. Continue on. Love you."
OK...the conversation didn't go EXACTLY like that. Point is...MY BEST FRIEND ROCKS!!! And no one else can have her...because clearly I am unable to function or survive without her.
Long story short...my Holiday shopping is nearing completion...thanks to one super amazingly awesome bestie, some comfy jammies, the internet, the alignment of the stars, UPS, and my debit card.
And I never had to leave the house!
Easie Peasie Lemon Squeezie.

Startin' the Holidays off Happy!!!!

XOX

Challenges..

Isn't it funny, the twists and turns we find on the road of life? Love and loss..happiness and sadness..plenty and want. Seems as if waiting around the bend is another obstacle, another hill, another chasm, another need....something to distract us from where we are going....or worse yet...who we are.
We could spend our whole lives moving from challenge to challenge...placing blame and deflecting change...OR we could rise above it and realize that the challenges in front of us are opportunities to become something greater. We can change where we are, who we are, what we want, where we are going. We can develop, we can grow, we can strive, we can learn. We can move beyond the ugly and the regret and the want and the what if. We can BE...and HAVE...and DO. We can take all the things that bog us down, chuck it aside, and soar. AND NO ONE HAS TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
Because your path is different than mine....and we are walking in different woods. So, stop focusing on WHERE the path is heading....or, God forbid, where it's been....and just stop following it. Start making your own. Or, if it's really brambly and overgrown (like mine has been)...start taking to the skies. Because a cloudy sky is still a better path than a dirt road.

Hoping your skies are blue and clear...and that you always have room to soar.

Later Taters!

XOX

Friendship As It Applies To You...

As some of you may, or may not, know...I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reinventing lately. Sometimes I am successful at changing my heart while other times I find myself stuck in my own rut of self inflicting harm. What I have found most interesting about this journey is the people I have found along the way. And the things I have learned about them.
I find it so fascinating that the more you learn about yourself, the more you learn about the kind of people you want in your inner circle. I know that sounds simplistic....of course you want to surround yourself with people as awesome and amazing as you are. People who have similar morals, similar beliefs, similar goals, similar lifestyles. You never imagine that you will INVITE chaos, toxicity, drama, and heartache in. And yet, one day, you wake up...and there it is....staring you in the face and dragging you down into the pit to stand beside it.
It's so funny to me....you meet someone. You spend years confiding in them, loving them, trusting them, believing in them. Then you lose them. It happens all the time. Then twenty years later, you wake up next to them. You kiss them goodbye everyday...you tell them goodnight...you fall in love all over. You are given a second chance. People come and go. Sometimes its a GREAT thing.....
And sometimes its really, really, REALLY bad. You see....I've learned some things about friendship lately. I have come to learn that I am not always the best friend that I could be. I don't call like I should. I'm not always there. Sometimes I would rather sleep than chat on the phone. Sometimes my job, or my daughter, or my husband, or my bills, or my own life come before you. Sometimes I am selfish and self absorbed. But for all my faults....I am always honest. I am always supportive. I am always loving. I will always remember your birthday. I will buy you random amazing gifts just because I thought of you....and I will think of you OFTEN. I care about you...and your family...and your happiness...and your successes and failures. But sometimes I am a bad friend.
But I am THERE.
What I have learned recently, is that sometimes that isn't enough. Friendship is, like any other relationship, a two way street. It's hard. It takes work. It involves two people who WANT to be there, and be present, and be amazing. It can't be one person giving and giving and giving.....and constantly being rejected. Because eventually the one giving decides that real life...and other relationships..are more fulfilling. And sometimes, it takes a slap in the face to wake you up.
I tried. Really I did. I WANTED to be your friend. I loved you....in my flawed, and broken, and difficult way. I let you in...when I didn't want to, against my better judgement, kicking and screaming at times. When I didn't HAVE to....when it would have been easier to hate you...when it would have been easier to walk away...when it would have been softer on my heart....I DID. When he begged me to let it go, to let you go..I persisted. Because I wanted to see the good in you...I wanted to believe that you had changed...I wanted to prove them wrong.
But then you hurt me. And him. And her. And them.
Over and over and over. Because that is who you really are. You use people...and when they are used up, you move on. Unannounced and unexplained. And you will blame me...I wasn't there for you, or good enough, or nice enough. And you will say that I hurt you. Because you are ever the victim. You needed more than I could give you....not that I ever really knew what that was.
But make no mistake....this is NOT an apology. I find it liberating that you are gone. Funny how sometimes you don't see what's right in front of you.....it took you walking away for me to realize the toxicity of you. I am free to focus on my family, my job, my life, my friends, my health...all the things that are important to me (and have been neglected recently in favor of you). I have realized that I can love without you, I can move without you, I can laugh without you, I can live without you.
And honestly...I don't really miss you.
You see, friendship is about communication. It's about mutual respect. It's about spending your time caring as much about the other person as you do about yourself. It's about not being a bitch. I wish you luck with your new "friends"...but until you learn these simple truths..you will never know what it means to have an untarnished and honest friendship. And, eventually, you will find yourself alone.
And on that note....I am uber and ever thankful for the loves of my life, my very best friends, and the people who make me tick..My Dear Husband, My Bestie Louper, My Favorite Author Preener, and My Crazy Small. I am loving that I am given the opportunity to reunite with friends from my past (due to our recent move back to our hometown) and our bi-weekly Dinner Dates/Girls Night Outs. I am appreciative of an amazing job that has allowed me to meet and associate with intelligent and wonderful people. And I am always more than blessed by my small but fierce family.
Not to mention all the crazy love I have for all of you....my wicked loyal and always awesome readers!
So, saying goodbye to toxic non-friends and welcoming peace in my life. Moral of this blog?....Bitches Still Be Bitches....And Don't Make Very Good Friends. So...move along. Not so nice knowing ya.

Later Taters!
XOX

Choosing...

I stumbled upon this today and it seemed to speak directly to my heart. In these tough times that we are facing, it occurs to me that perhaps I need to make some choices. Make some changes. Get motivated. Be useful. Excel. Pick myself up. Listen to what I say. And tell the rest to sit down and shut up. Or better yet...just go away. Because while the struggles of the outside world CONTROL me...I should never let them CONSUME me. 

Because I have the power to choose. And I AM choosing. Better. Stronger. More. Sooner. Bigger. Bolder.
I choose to love my family, embrace my faith, express my passion, explore my creativity, and cultivate my soul. I choose to nurture my friendships, but release the pains that have held me back from being who I want to be. I choose to let go of the ties that have bound my heart....allowing it to finally roam, free and unencumbered and happy. For I feel as if my wanderlust has finally managed to accept it's place in a corner of my world.
So today...what will YOU choose? To keep? To let go? To tuck away in a box? To give back to the world?
It's all yours to decide....but listen to your inner voice. Not the random opinions of others. Because they are wrong. And they need to sit down and shut up.

XOX

Instagram...You're Killing Me.

I'm completely joking, of course. I LOVE Instagram. L.O.V.E.
My phone, however, does not.
Probably because I have a mean nasty phone that doesn't like anything except making weird random noises in the middle of the night...for no apparent reason other than to irritate me. Well played phone. Well played.
I am sure the fact that I recently threw tossed chucked heaved  fumbled dropped said phone into a massive swimming pool (completely by accident...yeah, let's go with that. ACCIDENT) doesn't bear any fault. Coincidence that I was attempting to capture a photo for Instagram when this incident occurred? I think not.
So...I am fairly new at this whole Instagram thing. And my phone is (as previously discussed) slow and cantankerous and snarky and ill tempered....so we do what we can! But OH!...the things you can do! It's a learning process all around....and so I just keep on a learnin'!
Here's what I have figured out that Instagram is used for...at least by me....
ROADTRIPPIN'!!!!: Boredom, Entertainment, Tracking, oh...and boredom:

RANDOMNESS!!!!: Cause sometimes you just see something random. Thank God for camera phones!:

SUSIE HOMEMAKIN' CRAFT CLUB!!!!: Who knew I had it in me? Just in case I needed proof:

MY BITCHES!!!!: Don't be a hater..be a potater!!

FAMILY!!!! The ultimate in why you need to document everything. Just in case the authorities need to know where the kids hid your body! I'm totally kidding (yeah kidding...totally...maybe....slightly fibbing....downright scared it could be true....):

See all those people? I LURVE them!!!!! They are what makes me tick. And not in a tourettes seizure kinda way. The good way. And they know it. Or they better.
So there's my Instagram love of the day. If you are on the dumb thing (and by dumb I mean totally freaking awesome!)...give me a holler! We can be Insty Pals. It's like Pen Pals....but cooler. Like us.
Later 'Taters!!

XOX

Our Bucket. The Re-Visit...

Hi There, nice people!! Where has the Summer gone? Seems like we've taken our bucket full of summer and dumped it out to make room for all the fall!!! Pack it up sand...the leaves are a movin' in!!!
So...I guess a little unloading and updating are in order? (If that sounds familiar, it's because that's what's happening in our LIVES as well! Packing, moving, job hunting, house hunting, nomadic..another blog for another day, dears.)... Let's recap our list from the summer...

Make something beachy that will remind us of home.  COMPLETED

Make homemade lemonade-and sell it from a stand. COMPLETED

Go on picnics. COMPLETED

Make homemade ice cream.

Find and buy the perfect house for us. (We FOUND it. We are still working on the BUYING it!)

Enter the Summer reading contest at the library. COMPLETED

Create canvas art for studio space.

Make bottle cap wind chimes.

Paint the Dining Room table and Buffet. 

Mod Podge top of bistro table.

Chalk the sidewalk. COMPLETED

Make sponge bombs. Play backyard War.

Fly kites.

Go on a 'Date With Dad'. COMPLETED

Lie on backs and look for shapes in clouds.

Go to Connor Prairie.

See a symphony on the lawn.

COMPLETED Go on bike rides. Conquer the bike trail.

Spend a whole day in PJ's playing board games .(We didn't play board games. But we DID work a puzzle. That counts..right?)

Make a Summer Smash Journal together. 

Take photo outings. Complete Portfolio.

Make wreathes and welcome mats.

Make homemade laundry soap and fabric softener.

Make friendship bracelets. COMPLETED

Tie Dye stuff.

Make custom Cornhole boards and bags.

Create stuff for Smalls new bed & bath. COMPLETED

Go to a baseball game. COMPLETED

Go to auctions. COMPLETED

Send letters to soldiers and sailors overseas.

Lay on a quilt and stargaze.

Go to a drive-in movie.

Make garden items-bird bath, rain barrel, patio furniture.

Make bead sun catchers.

Spend one day doing random acts of kindness.

Go to Farmers Market. Buy that nights dinner. 

Plan a garden of our own.

Pick our own Strawberries.

 Make Strawberry Freezer Jam.

Create Family Binder.

Go to a water park.

Make homemade banana splits.

See how Krispy Kremes are made.

Go on a Dolphin Cruise.

Wow!!!!Look at all the stuff that we managed to get done in there. And we went to the Fair. And we went swimming. That was ALOT of fun! And we made crafty stuff..AND we started school. AND I had 9 gazillion medical appointments (again...another blog!). AND we moved cross country (like twice..but whose counting?!). AND we had brand new baby weenie puppies. So...I'd say that's a pretty darn good summer.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!!
Now we need a 'Bucket Full Of Autumn' list. Sooooooo.........don't be all hatin when I bring down the leftovers from summer. I don't want them to feel unloved or unwanted! Here...we...go...

Make homemade ice cream.

 Buy our perfect house.

Create canvas art for studio space.

Make bottle cap wind chimes.

Paint the Dining Room table and Buffet. 

Mod Podge top of bistro table.

Make leaf piles. Jump in them. Repeat.

Fly kites.

Go on a 'Date With Dad'.

Lie on backs and look for shapes in clouds.

Go to Connor Prairie.

See a symphony on the lawn.

Spend a whole day in PJ's playing board games. In front of fire.

Make a Smash Journal together. 

Take photo outings. Complete Portfolio.

Create workable Studio space.

Make wreathes and welcome mats.

Make homemade laundry soap and fabric softener.

Start 'Homesteading'.

Tie Dye stuff.

Make custom Cornhole boards and bags.

Go to a football game.

Go to auctions. Look for dining room chairs.

Send letters to soldiers and sailors overseas.

Lay on a quilt and stargaze.
Go to hockey game.

Go to a drive-in movie.

Make garden items-bird bath, rain barrel, patio furniture.

Make bead sun catchers.

Spend one day doing random acts of kindness.

Go to Farmers Market. Buy that nights dinner. 

Plan a garden of our own.

Go to Apple Orchard. Pick apples and pumpkins.

 Make Apple Butter and Pumpkin Pie.

Bake homemade bread. Lots of it. Mail it to everyone.

Create Family Binder.

Plan coffee dates with old friends.

Paint patio chairs.

Walk twice a day. Take the dogs..

Work on Holiday Card List.

Lose Weight.

I love Fall...but...SHEW!!!! Gonna be a busy one!!! Gathering up some excitement about finally being back in the hometown after all these years...and while I miss places, and things, and especially PEOPLE..that I left behind....there is so so much to look forward to.
Until next time...be gentle with yourselves!!!

XOX