Friday, December 14, 2012

Preparing for Resolutions...

Well. It seems it's that time of year again. That time of year when the inadequacies of our lives start poking around in our brains and our subconscious...and maybe even making themselves a little more outspoken and irritating in our public lives....the parts that should be private and quiet and hidden away. The parts that we are ashamed of. The parts we want to forget about. The parts we SAY we want to fix....but we all know we don't. And won't. In an effort to save time...and some unnecessary frustration...I have decided to keep things base and simple this year.
I have tried very hard to make my life an open book....give in order to receive. Love, so that others may love you back. Practice kindness and watch kindness spread. Let hate and anger order to welcome peace and calm....YEAH.....
2013 can suck that plan.....cause it worked like an atom bomb to my heart in 2012. Fuck that plan. I am READY to kick 2012 to the fucking curb...BUH BYE BITCH. You can take your 'peace and calm' and well....{BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP}. (In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not entirely sure what just happened right there. But editing was ABSOLUTELY in order. My apologies.....moving on.)
So here's the new plan of action for 2013. The Resolutions for those less inclined to shut the fuck up and just go away (, me). The Resolutions for those tired of swallowing the hate, and anger, and pride (, again me). The Resolutions we ( that I mean I)..keep...cause we (...I..) WANT to.

 (If you're a scardey might want to start being scardey.....cause shit's about to get real ugly. And it's prolly about YOU. Bless your heart.)

1. Grow my very small seed of hatred to a beautiful burning bush of contempt. Fertilize it with your bullshit and water it with your ever present tears.
2. Use more appropriately placed swear words when describing you, dealing with you, or having any normal conversations about you. Invent new ones if necessary.
3. Stop secretly planning/plotting revenge and allow Karma to put her plans out in the open. No more hiding. Just sit back and wait for your own implosion. Because let's face're doing a better job destroying your own life than anyone else EVER could. And it's so much more fun to watch from the sidelines. (OH...and since we aren't "friends" anymore, I don't feel bad about not being there to pick your fat wailing carcass up off the floor when some other drama 'serves' you.)
4. Define the differences between disdain, hatred, and full on loathing. Because you seem to have them confused. Once everyone is clear...I shall publicly announce the winner in each category. Give cheap prizes!! Everybody loves cheap prizes.....and you are about as cheap as they come.
5. Close my circle of friends. No new applications will be accepted. Shred all old resumes. Use wood chipper if necessary. Bridges are burned. Second Chance Bus has left the station. Probably should tell you case I don't have an opportunity later....."tsk...I told you so."
6. Do everything in my waking power to destroy all those who oppose, dislike, or have ever tried to ruin me. The past is BACK....and its PISSED. Check your lies...cause I'm coming to check them for you.
7. Find supreme and glorified happiness in your misfortune and misery. And it's coming. Soon. Watch your back.
8. I am going to smile, and cheer, and bat my eyes, and send you cards, and pay your bills, and pray for your heart, and worry about your precious children, and pretend that I am your biggest supporter and best friend.....
        all while I go to bed with the amazing husband you threw away, have coffee in the morning with the amazing best friend you threw away, and live the most amazing life...that you threw away.
So I will sit and drink wine excessively and stupidly to 2013 and to all the GREAT KARMIC changes that are coming. Thanks to my KARMA RESOLUTIONS 2013.

And if you don't like them.....
Well, then I suppose I would, very sweetly and with much love, suggest that you Fuck Off Sweetie!

Laters Taters!