Thursday, June 30, 2011

Love on the side of the road..

You know that moment when the stars align in perfect unison with the rotation of the Earth and something magical happens? No? it happened here. RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. ME. For serious!!
A little background...Small and I play the "Punch Buggy" game. Ad nauseum. Constantly. With serious and sometimes bloody results. There is screaming, name calling (La Whos Zer!), and downright ruthless aggression. It's a problem in our family.
Fast forward to today. Here we are...driving to the beach..minding our own beeswax...when WHAM! There it is...the PERFECT punch buggy. Cue the squealing...and heart palpitations...and tears...and joy...and adoration. We created dreams of surfboards on top (we don't surf...), hula girl on the dash, just following the open summer road. We pictured ourselves with tan lines and sandy toes..gypsies for the beach. We named our baby girl and promised her an esteemed place in the household.
And that was all before we even got to the parking lot.

We finangled a turn around. Under the guise that something this beautiful must be captured on film! And then we see it....the 'For Sale' sign.

Now the stars have moved from perfect unison to cruelty and malevolence. What kind of heartless world we live in that such a lovely creation cannot be mine. And to taunt me so...I can touch you, look upon you, caress your perfect exterior...only to have to abandon you..alone and forsaken..and unwanted by the callous being who owns you now.

I am sad and forlorn. My dreams shatter and crumble in front of me. Never before have I seen such perfection in metal and paint. A 1969 (!) Volkswagen Beetle. In teal blue. With white leather and chrome interior. And a stick shift. Fabulous..beautiful..automotive happiness.

My dear sweet Veronica WILL be mine. (And Small says she is keeping you forever.) Oh WILL be mine.


Sunday, June 26, 2011

Chill out...

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it's always ourselves we find in the sea.
~e.e. cummings

My life is like a stroll on the near to the edge as I can go.
~Henry David Thoreau

The cure for anything is salt water-
or the sea.
~Isak Dinesen

The Sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.
~Jacques Cousteau

On the beach, you can live in bliss.
~Dennis Wilson

Eternity begins and ends with the oceans tides.

May you each discover your own bliss. 

Saturday, June 25, 2011


Oh's finally here! The days are long and sunny (Oh and let's not forget HOT!!), routines are relaxed, happiness is abundant!! Life is GOOD!!!
There has been so much going on many changes (some good, some bad, some really weird.). The wedding road trip was a HUGE success. So much fun..seriously...uncontrollable spilled over the edges lets do this again fun!! The trip from Chicago to Virginia was quite the adventure...a new route, a dead camera, and a silly little girl. There were lots of laughs and a few surprises. Weird how life sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
We have a house full of people..and dogs..and chaos~but it's all good!
And my brother and sister in law are having a BABY!!! Yum! I am completely giddy and over the moon~so happy for them both! And I can't wait to meet the little Peanut!! (Oh and babysit..oh and take pictures..oh and commence melting.) Yeah...we're uber thrilled.
Everything is changing...Small is already making BIG plans for her summer vaca (thrill parks, road trips, wii, no bedtime, lots of swimming...)! I have quite a few upcoming photography scheduling in some major beach time! In fact...I see a trip to the boardwalk in my immediate future! He just works...all the time..but that's good~it keeps him out of our hair!!! And I think the little puppy just plans on sleeping all summer..he says it's too hot for anything else!
I'm also working on a couple of inspiring and informative blog don't be all running off or anything! I will squeeze in some blogging time!
So there you have it..our summer in a nutshell!! What are YOUR plans??


Monday, June 20, 2011

A letter...

To Whom It May Concern (THIS MEANS YOU):

   Yesterday was Father's Day. A day to pay tribute and say thanks for all that he means, all that he is, and all that he does. Now perhaps you disagree, but it isn't about you. And perhaps you think he doesn't DO enough..but that deposit you get every month begs to differ. And really, it isn't even about what he's about that he loves..and he does love his children.
   I get that you are hurt...but Jesus Fucking Christ...get over it already. To use your children to inflict intentional hurt on him is a new low..even for you. And the fact that they IGNORED him DID hurt him. Deeply. They never acknowledge him at Christmas. They forget his birthday. But Father's Day? They only have one dad...and he buys them Christmas gifts that they never get, and calls them on their birthdays, and thinks about them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. Calling him one day a year isn't asking too much. Hell, even my sometimes asshole of a dad got a phone call yesterday. (The saddest part of this is when I cry because they didn't call and he comforts me saying "I never expected them to's MY reality." How heartbreaking.)
   He IS their father..a fact that you remind him of whenever is convenient for you. You write to him that they cry and write little notes about how hard it is to have to go through this and not have a dad. They DO. But you make it impossible for him to have a relationship with them..and when they have an opportunity to reach out to him...they don't. If you continue to deny him the basic rights in which the title of Father affords him (visitation, phone calls, holidays, respect).. how then can you be surprised when he chooses to reevaluate the role he plays? Or further more to move on to happiness elsewhere? For what he pays you alone each month (which is never enough for you)..the very LEAST that you can do is facilitate and foster his relationship with his children. I have no doubts that if the roles were reversed you would more than expect the same courtesy.
   My daughter spent DAYS crafting a gift for him-the father that she knows and loves. It was heartfelt, meaningful, and creative. And it included YOUR children. Her actions only cement further a place in his heart-a place that YOU will never again possess. She does not try to replace his children..she thinks of them as her sisters. The fact that she loves him and took the time to show him not only makes me proud of how I raised her and who she is, but it proves the caliber of man HE is. He is a great dad and a great provider. And even a 10 year old can recognize that fact.
   So we had a wonderful day here ~ we grilled out, we laughed, we snuggled, we played games. We showered him with love and praise and adoration. We were together. I think I can speak freely when I say that the only thing missing was his children. One phone call, one card, one school picture...would have gone a LONG way. My heart hurts for him...and I am saying the things that he is too polite to say to you. I can only pray that someday, when your children grow up and are no longer influenced by you, that they will know and remember that they have a place in his heart and his life. And they WILL grow up and leave you (for that's what children do)...and you will be alone, and bitter, and angry. But he will be loved and happy and at home with people who adore, respect, and admire him. And WANT to be with him...not just when it's convenient...but when it's messy and ugly and inconvenient and hectic. Not just important days...but every other day as well.
   Now go and cry and boo hoo to your friends, your family, and your lawyer about how mistreated and misunderstood you are, how mean I am to you, and how much he has hurt you. But know this ~ he has a family here who appreciates him, accepts him, and supports him. And we all love his children. He goes to sleep at night wishing he could tuck them in and keep them safe..but knowing that right now he is doing what he can..and he is content and at peace..comfortable in his surroundings and reminded that his heart is where it belongs. And that it will heal.
   (While you can take this letter and turn it into whatever you is not intended as a guilt trip, or retribution or attack. It is simply the facts as I see them. Yesterday is over...we move on to today, and tomorrow, and next week. And hopefully we learn something and take that with us. We are all doing the best we can....opportunities are everywhere ~ opportunities to change, opportunities to exceed expectations,  opportunities to speak softly, opportunities to do what is right (even if it's difficult) and opportunities to show love. Grasp them.)


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Ready to go..

OK...everyones bags are packed and come this time tomorrow we should be arriving at my mommas house in my little bitty hometown. A little rest and relax and then it's off to Chicago for the wedding of the year!! Looking forward to time with the fam...and an excuse to dress up, hit the town, and party like a rockstar! Please God....let it be an open bar.
Probably won't be much blogging..oh who am I kidding..there won't be ANY blogging. Sorry folks. You will need to find some other form of entertainment while I am gone...though let's be honest...we all know life sucks without me! I will be back sometime on Monday...with lots of stories to tell and pictures to share.
But because I can't just leave you's what I am thinking on for the next few days. Ponder and discuss amongst yourselves.

Today I welcome happiness into my life. No matter what's going on around me I choose to be happy. I will stay in a constant state of gratitude. I connect to my source, for I know with God all things are possible. I welcome good people into my life knowing that each person in my life is there for a reason. I know that there's a lesson to learn from each situation.
Today I will become contagious. Everywhere I go I will spread love, happiness, and joy. No matter what the world throws at me I will throw it back a smile. Lord God, use me today to spread happiness and put smiles on as many peoples faces as possible. I will spread optimism and positivity in every environment that I walk into. I will smile and defeat all adversity today.
Today I will watch carefully the words I use. I will speak what I want in to existence with all faith. I will focus on good things that I want in life-what I focus on I will eventually get more of. I will not gossip or engage in negative conversations about others. I will uplift others today with gratitude, love, and praise.
Today I release and let go of the thought patterns that have caused stress and anxiety in my life. I allow my worries and fears to fade away. I am safe and secure in my body. Peace and serenity now flow freely into my life. My mind has realigned itself bringing my whole being into a healthy positive balance. I love and accept myself right now for who I am.

Lessons that I will be focusing on-and practicing-in the upcoming days. Lessons that we all should heed from time to time.
I love you all!! See you next week!


Monday, June 6, 2011

A weekend in the life...

My life is pretty boring..that's the truth. But every once in awhile something exciting happens. This wasn't one of those once in a while weekends. So let's see....
He is quitting smoking. Finally. After years of me nagging him about it. Which means he is cranky and irritable...and he eats. So I called him 'fatty' the other day...I think it hurt his feelings. Poor feelings.
I forced everyone to the beach so that I could take some pictures of the sidewalk chalk drawings. I had fun...she tolerated it...he just acted like he was bored. I did achieve rockstar mom status this weekend...while driving to the beach she states from the backseat "Whoa! Bon Jovi! I LOVE this song! Turn It Up!"....I have concluded from this that I am a successful parent. She loves football (and cheers for the correct team.) and she has great taste in music. What else do I need to teach her? Nothing that's what!
I was craving a good old fashioned grill know..burgers, baked beans, potato salad! And since my mom makes the BEST potato salad on Earth (or any other planet)...I call her. Getting recipes from her is always went something like this:
Me: Hey mom. I need your recipe for potato salad...I want to make it today.
Her: Oh, I am just finishing up the latest batch that I made. I think I put too much mustard in it this time though. (mental note to self..mustard) How are you? What have you been up to? Can you help me with my Netflix? They keep sending me crappy dvd's that don't play. I think they want me to go digital or something. (A little side note history..we have this conversation just about every other time that I call. She has no cable TV...and relies on Netflix for entertainment. You need to know this.)
Me: Mom. You have to send them an email telling them your disc was junk and they will send you another one. It's pretty easy. And really? You have got to get into the 21st century.
Her: I can't remember my password. Speaking of Googling..can you look up directions to the hotel? I want to make sure we know where we are going.
Me: Did you just say "speaking of Googling?" We have a GPS mom. We will just program the address in and Sally will tell us where to go. No one needs to Google anything mom. Stop Googling.
Her: Who is Sally? When will you be here next week? Romeo (her dog) is excited to see Zero (my dog). I think I am going to make shish-ke-bobs for dinner on Friday. Do you think your brother will join us? I should call him. Maybe I'll make another batch of potato salad?
Me: Yeah potato salad sounds great. In fact, I'd like to make it sometime today...maybe with the recipe?
Her: Well, peel and cook your potatoes.
Me: How many?
Her: I don't know 8 to 10. Boil the eggs.
Me: How many?
Her: Probably 4-6. Then cut everything up. Add mayo. I like to use regular mayo..not that Miracle Whip. Add some salt and pepper. Add some pickle relish. Sweet not dill. It's better if it can chill for awhile too. And that's it. Well, except for the onion. You might want to add onion. I know your tummy has trouble with onion. But onion makes it taste better. Add the onion. About half of a sweet onion.
Me: What about the mustard?
Her: Mustard? Oh. I think I put too much in last only add a little. Oh and don't forget the sugar..make sure you add some of that. That's important. That's the secret.
Me: How much of all this stuff?
Her: Oh, I never measure anything. Just add some until it looks and tastes like you want. Small can help you..she makes it here all the time. (another mental note to time just ask Small.)

Jinkies! I deciphered everything and made the potato salad. It was delicious. But that's really how all my recipe conversations with her go. It's maddening. (and don't be all stealing my moms Potato Salad's sacred. Family tradition and everything. For serious. Just invite me over..I'll bring it.)
I have a really busy week this, packing, traveling. Heading to Chicago for a wedding. Looking forward to the road trip and visiting with family! Oh...and the photo ops. And potato salad.
And maybe some blogging.
P.S. I love you mom...see you Thursday night.


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

New attitude...

Maybe it's the lazy days of summer encroaching upon me, maybe it's the hot hot hot temperatures deep frying my brain, maybe it's the realization that I am dysfunctional right now at best...but whatever it's forcing crazy change! I am sitting back in the sand, dipping my feet in the water, and letting the madness and chaos float away...

Because stress dissolves when exposed to water. And that is a fact! But just in case, for lack of sand and surf in your world, you need some motivation....

'I Get Better Every Day'
Today I release all tension and resistance in my mind and body. I embrace heavenly peace and allow it to rain down on me. I consolidate my mind and feel the freedom that comes with letting go. Day by day I get better in every way.

And with that...welcome to a new day, a new month, a new season, a new outlook, and a new attitude!