Yesterday was Father's Day. A day to pay tribute and say thanks for all that he means, all that he is, and all that he does. Now perhaps you disagree, but it isn't about you. And perhaps you think he doesn't DO enough..but that deposit you get every month begs to differ. And really, it isn't even about what he does..it's about that he loves..and he does love his children.
I get that you are hurt...but Jesus Fucking Christ...get over it already. To use your children to inflict intentional hurt on him is a new low..even for you. And the fact that they IGNORED him DID hurt him. Deeply. They never acknowledge him at Christmas. They forget his birthday. But Father's Day? They only have one dad...and he buys them Christmas gifts that they never get, and calls them on their birthdays, and thinks about them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. Calling him one day a year isn't asking too much. Hell, even my sometimes asshole of a dad got a phone call yesterday. (The saddest part of this is when I cry because they didn't call and he comforts me saying "I never expected them to call...it's MY reality." How heartbreaking.)
He IS their father..a fact that you remind him of whenever is convenient for you. You write to him that they cry and write little notes about how hard it is to have to go through this and not have a dad. They DO. But you make it impossible for him to have a relationship with them..and when they have an opportunity to reach out to him...they don't. If you continue to deny him the basic rights in which the title of Father affords him (visitation, phone calls, holidays, respect).. how then can you be surprised when he chooses to reevaluate the role he plays? Or further more to move on to happiness elsewhere? For what he pays you alone each month (which is never enough for you)..the very LEAST that you can do is facilitate and foster his relationship with his children. I have no doubts that if the roles were reversed you would more than expect the same courtesy.
My daughter spent DAYS crafting a gift for him-the father that she knows and loves. It was heartfelt, meaningful, and creative. And it included YOUR children. Her actions only cement further a place in his heart-a place that YOU will never again possess. She does not try to replace his children..she thinks of them as her sisters. The fact that she loves him and took the time to show him not only makes me proud of how I raised her and who she is, but it proves the caliber of man HE is. He is a great dad and a great provider. And even a 10 year old can recognize that fact.
So we had a wonderful day here ~ we grilled out, we laughed, we snuggled, we played games. We showered him with love and praise and adoration. We were together. I think I can speak freely when I say that the only thing missing was his children. One phone call, one card, one school picture...would have gone a LONG way. My heart hurts for him...and I am saying the things that he is too polite to say to you. I can only pray that someday, when your children grow up and are no longer influenced by you, that they will know and remember that they have a place in his heart and his life. And they WILL grow up and leave you (for that's what children do)...and you will be alone, and bitter, and angry. But he will be loved and happy and at home with people who adore, respect, and admire him. And WANT to be with him...not just when it's convenient...but when it's messy and ugly and inconvenient and hectic. Not just important days...but every other day as well.
Now go and cry and boo hoo to your friends, your family, and your lawyer about how mistreated and misunderstood you are, how mean I am to you, and how much he has hurt you. But know this ~ he has a family here who appreciates him, accepts him, and supports him. And we all love his children. He goes to sleep at night wishing he could tuck them in and keep them safe..but knowing that right now he is doing what he can..and he is content and at peace..comfortable in his surroundings and reminded that his heart is where it belongs. And that it will heal.
(While you can take this letter and turn it into whatever you want...it is not intended as a guilt trip, or retribution or attack. It is simply the facts as I see them. Yesterday is over...we move on to today, and tomorrow, and next week. And hopefully we learn something and take that with us. We are all doing the best we can....opportunities are everywhere ~ opportunities to change, opportunities to exceed expectations, opportunities to speak softly, opportunities to do what is right (even if it's difficult) and opportunities to show love. Grasp them.)
XOX
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