Growing Pains..

Tomorrow my daughter graduates elementary school. Tomorrow my daughter moves into middle school. Tomorrow my daughter grows a little more away from me. Tomorrow my heart breaks and swells and breaks again. Tomorrow...Tomorrow...Tomorrow.
Strange that I have expected this day her entire life...and yet I am wholly unprepared for it. While she prepares to jump...headstrong and carefree, I want nothing more than to reign her in...smooth her feathers, silence her wanderlust, and tuck her back down.
Make no mistake....she can..and will...fly. She will soar higher than I ever thought possible. She will move earth and clouds. She will know no boundaries. She has no fear...and she will live with no regrets. And in the absence of sky...she will forge a new path...clearer, higher, greater.
I have many worries for my daughter ~ will she be a good person, will she help other people, will she continue to do well in school, will she realize her own potential, will she find her place in the world, will she follow her heart, will she know passionate love, will she never live in my guest room, will she finally cut her hair and make sure it frames her face, and, of course, will she please never wear ugly shoes? You know typical mom worries.
But my biggest worry is that she will become a doormat...and that, if she does, will it be all my fault? I hear the things I try to teach her...."Never jump to be first in line", "Share everything", "Use your manners", "Serve others", "Wait for others", "Be respectful", "Always stop to help", "Never take the first piece", "Never take the last piece", "Ask your friends what's wrong", "Do unto others", "Walk away from violence, but protect those that you love".....
And it occurred to me, how can I teach her to stand up for herself, when I seldom follow my own advice? Until I looked at her tonight...and realized, maybe she's already got it all figured out. And maybe, she's going to be just fine.
We may never agree on fashion...or music...or books...or the rotation of the Earth. We may argue. We may glare at each other. And she may slam the door more times than I can reasonably tolerate. But, Small...someday when you read this, know that I love you. No matter what, I love you. I have always loved you...I will always love you...until there is no more earth and sky...and even then I will still love you. And I couldn't be more proud of you. I thought I was teaching you.....but in reality, you taught me.
You taught me that it's alright to not know. That we're all just kind of winging it. You taught me that it's the journey that's important...not the destination. You taught me that I am important, that I matter, that even when I don't see it...you do. You taught me that even if everything else in my life is wrong...YOU are right. And I did that. You taught me that love truly is unconditional...and unbreakable. You taught me that fear and anger have no place in my heart...and you taught me how to replace them with courage and forgiveness.
I am thankful and blessed to be your mom....and no matter how far you fly, or how high you soar...I will be waiting in the nest to snuggle you home. Whether you like it or not.

XOX