For some...
unknown...reason, I was glancing back through my Facebook posts the other day. Not only did I find that I am
HILARIOUS (a fact to which, by now, you should all be painfully aware.)...but I learned that, on rare occasions, I make a whole hell of a lot of sense. And I almost sound smart.
So...in my infinite and unbridled wisdom...I decided (OK...my bestie Lou said "You should totally put them together in a blog post! That would be amazing!"...so thank her.) to compile all my favorites into one really crazy long "best ofs" post.
A look back on some of my finer, smarter, wiser, more cultured, and certainly funnier moments from the past. Via social media. You are
very welcome.
Moment
of the day....watching Rudolph with my family. Me: "Aww...the Island of
Misfit Toys." Her: "What's wrong with the elephant?" Me:
"He's polkie dotted." Her: "So? I would play with
him.".......I love her misfit heart. ♥.
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I am
sitting here this morning reviewing my wedding vows....
worse-check
poorer-check
sickness-check
That leaves 'till death do us part'......death
could be imminent. ♥.
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Oh
Monday...you sick twisted bastard.
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Tonight’s
conversation...me: they should follow us around with a camera and make a show about
our lives. Him: What? The Divine Comedy? Me: Ummm..that's about a trip through
Hell. Him: And? (Followed by laughter)...Dammit...I hate so much when he's
right. ♥.
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I
believe in reincarnation. I think it's kinda like Karma. You give good, you get
good, you come back good. You give bad, you get bad, you come back as a Dung
Beetle. Or a fly. That eats poop. ♥.
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I was
thinking about writing a soap opera. But I got stuck on a title. And then
overwhelmed by the realness of reality, I curled up on the floor and cried
until I quit. But that was terribly unsatisfying, so I drank a cup of coffee
and thought about writing a soap opera. .
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I've
done a little reading today...here are a few things everyone should know (in my
humble opinion): Trust your gut. Never talk politics with your in-laws. Learn
the difference between compromise and complacency. Shower the people you love
with love. Be present. Be engaged. Be willing. Don't be intimidated, or
intimidating. Be authentic...even if it's hard, even if it's unpopular. And
always remember this above all: To thine own self be true. (Thank you W.
Shakespeare for the finale.) ♥.
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Too
many of us are hung up on what we don't have, can't have, or won't ever have.
We spend too much energy being down, when we could use that same energy – if
not less of it – doing, or at least trying to do, some of the things we really
want to do.
~ Terry McMillan
Kinda goes along with what I was saying last
night. We try too hard to be something we aren't, to impress people we shouldn't,
to live lives that aren't ours. We need to be authentically who we are. And DO
what we want to do. For that is where we will find happiness. ♥.
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Yep...people are basically bitches.
And we could spend our whole lives blaming everyone else for why
we are screwed
up. We could talk and talk and talk. OR we could grow up, own up, and talk up.
We could realize that life is unfair, accept the blows, and start over. Stop
blaming and start doing! ♥.
Stop talking about what everybody
has done to you and start talking about what you can do for somebody else.
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(Unless you think you're extra
special....which you are not. We all screw up....some of us more than others,
but you know....forgiveness is forgiveness. If I'm willing to give you
mine...let's hope you've learned enough to do the same. If you
haven't...well...then you don't deserve it.) ♥.
None of us are without fault, we all
make mistakes. But if you can't forgive others for their transgressions, why
should you expect to be forgiven for yours.....???
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(And even if they could....they're
too busy blaming everybody else. And they don't care.) The people who hurt us
can't pay us, won't pay us, and the check would probably bounce anyway. So be
honest...do we really want payment....or do we want peace? Let it go...or spend
your days making collection calls. ♥.
Let God pay you for past injustices.
Don’t try to collect from the people who hurt you, because the people who hurt
you can't pay you.
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A
person susceptible to 'wanderlust' is not so much addicted to movement as
committed to transformation. ~ Pico Iyer
My heart has finally settled.....the time has
come to work on transforming the soul. Letting go of the wanderlust...allowing
the settling. Letting go of the anger...allowing the peace. Letting go of the
hate...allowing the love. What are YOU committed to transforming within
yourself? Remember...the path to inner peace is unmarked...and more
importantly....unpaved. Start walkin'. ♥.
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Things
I may never understand....Algebra. Nascar. Lying for the sake of lying. Greed.
Not doing what you say you will do. Hurting other people--on purpose or
otherwise. Living anything less than authentically. (I.E. pretending to be
something you clearly are not). Blame. Irresponsibility. Immaturity. And
Bitches....Things I may never understand. ♥.
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Moral
indignation is jealousy with a halo. ~ H.G. Wells
Jealousy is bad. Halo or not.....♥.
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Religious
people fear Hell. Spiritual people have been there. Rebels just keep going
back! ♥.
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...The
world is not split into 'Good People' and 'Death Eaters'. Although maybe it
should be. ♥.
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...Sometimes,
breaking hundreds of rules will get you hundreds of house points, if you know
how to conduct your mischief. ♥!
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You
know what I love about Facebook? You can make friends or create enemies...make
someone laugh or piss someone off...discover the truth or uncover a lie...all
with one status. Equal Opportunity!! ♥!
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...Being
an adult is the worst idea ever. I'm just sayin'. ♥
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...It's
HOT. And since I'm not sitting oceanside...all I want to do is eat pudding and
watch Burn Notice. Don't judge. ♥.
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...PRAY.
Pray for your own heart and those that you love. But more importantly and most
earnestly...pray for those that hurt you, those that sincerely work to belittle
and degrade you, those that walk everyday hand in hand with the Devil. Pray the
most for them...Ceaselessly and Sincerely.
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...I
would like to clarify my last post. Praying is important...but we must also
remember that after all the praying...douchebags and bitches are still
douchebags and bitches. You praying for them doesn't change that...it just
changes YOU. ♥.
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...Cold,
rainy Sunday. Perfect for snuggling, napping, crocheting, and blueberry
muffins. ♥.
Lessons learned this week...Ups and downs. Ebbs
and flows. Highs and lows. Such is the course of life. Hang on..love big..and
enjoy the ride. ♥.
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...I
don't need you to tell me that I'm a contradiction of myself. I'm already quite
well aware of that truth......and it just so happens to be that I choose to
embrace it, instead of spending my energy denying it. So there. ♥.
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...Church
today was a blessed mix of tears, communion, renewal, and redemption. Today I
realized that I am not the person I WANT to be. I am not the person I was
CREATED to be. I am not the person I have PROMISED to be. I realized that there
is really nothing more important than the life I share with others. And I
realized that love is alive and well and giggling in my kitchen. ♥.
...I am going away to make a place for you.
After I go and make a place for you, I will come back and take you with me.
Then you may be where I am. You will know where I am going and you will know
how to get there. John 14:2-3
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...I
know you're jealous of me. I can feel it through the internet. ♥.
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...Today's
conversation:
Small: You know what would be awesome?
Me: No. What?
Small: If the world was made of jello. And all
the animals were gummy bears!
Me: I would eat all the animals.
Small: Me too. And we would live happily ever
after.
RIGHT? ♥.
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...Some
shit is just uncalled for. ♥.
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If
you don't have the capacity to give, you shouldn't have the audacity to take.
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...ALL
relationships..ALL of them..require you to be present and engaged. There must
be give and take...and I don't mean YOU taking and EVERYONE ELSE giving. Let go
of your control issues and trust the universe. Be a grown up. Relax.
Compromise. Remain faithful. Tell the truth. Be who you are...authentically.
Accept responsibility for your failures..and your successes. Apologize when you
are wrong and forgive when you are right. Stop treating life..and love..like a
competition. Release negativity. Respect yourself..so that others will respect
you. And above all LOVE...when it's good, when it hurts...love everyone. Start
with yourself. ♥.
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Dear
Insomnia....
We are not friends. So get your shit together.
♥,
Me
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Hello
again Insomnia. I thought it best to inform you that Bed and I have a hot date
this evening. You weren't invited. Get. Your. Shit. Together. ♥.
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.....Sigh...I
got nothing.....♥.
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...
forgiveness and love, cannot be earned, deserved, bought, sold, won, or forced.
They are a gift and should never be taken for granted or expected. Only
accepted...
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...how
awesome to be aware of God’s presence, peace, power, protection and promise....♥.
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....Wizard
of Oz was delightful. Remember everyone....hearts are not judged by how much
you love, but by how much you are loved by others...so says the Wizard. ♥
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"Buttlicker!"...."Really? That's
where you want to go with that?" "No. That's where I'm FORCED to go
with that. You forced my hand."
The epicness of this conversation is, and forever will
be, legendary. XOX ♥.
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"The Devil invented Fruit Roll
Ups."..."What?"..."Like. A. Boss."
What?.....all because I asked about a cute little fruit
roll up craft. Which evidently cannot be attempted. Because Fruit Roll Ups are
evil. XOX ♥.
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People
inspire you, or they drain you - pick them wisely. Hans F. Hansen
How are you picking the people in your life? And
when was the last time you evaluated the purpose they serve? Are they
inspiring...or draining? Which are you? Be inspiring to others...and receive
inspiration. And love. And couldn't we all use more love? XOXO ♥.
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Your
tyrannical bullshit will not be tolerated any further. (per Lisa Bestie)
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Penguin says..."Watch this...Hold my
beer!"
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I got to go fast. I am aerodynamically
correct!!! Look at me go!!! ♥!
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I
read this today...and needed to share. For you Louper...my best friend is a
reality check, reminding me how much I'm worth and believing in me when I don't
believe in myself. ♥.
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I
love you dearest Louper. You are my bestest chum, my scary shadow, my fire
starter, my spirits soulmate, my ledge talker downer, my sandy beach, my
snuggle upper, my coffee spiker, my laugh out loud when I want to scream, my
creative outlet, my rainbows and sunshines and unicorns and glittery sprinkles.
You are my pink and purple and pretty...and you always will be. ♥.
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Bagoodles
and Gurbs. That is how much I love you. ♥.
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Melissa
Dahling,
My life is so whumbo jhumbo without you.
Awesomesauce has moved away and Whack is squatting nearby.
Soooooo....here is the grocery list of things
that we need in order to get Awesomesauce back!:
Vodka, Chocolate, Glitter, Duct Tape, Cat Suits,
and Explosives. We can work on the Plan when you get here. Tomorrow...right? ♥.
(Posted
on Lisa Besties wall…just FYI)
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Have
an AMAZING, FANTABULOUS, AWESOMESAUCE day!!!! ♥.
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Pppppfffffffttttttttt.
{That's me...sticking my tongue out at you.} ♥.
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Thanks
for loving me even when it's hard to do so. Hell, most days I want to thump
MYSELF in the forehead. But you stick it out like a trooper...and only
occasionally sass talk me back! I know it's tough, I'm hard to handle (and
please), I clearly don't give thanks AND praise enough, and I girly cry on a
whim. But, at the end of the day, I KNOW that you will be there (whether I
deserve it or not)...and I am comforted and settled in the knowledge that our
amazing little family will love me through it. (whatever the 'it' happens to
be.).....and I'll be loving you right back. Just in case. ♥
(Posted
to the Hubs…in a rare moment of liking him.)
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I'm
crazy mad at you...and crazy in love with you. But knock it off with the stupid
bullshit.....♥.
(Me..setting
the record straight. Like that ever works.)
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...Thank
you for loving me when I haven't been very lovable (as in lately.). And thank
you for not TELLING me that I wasn't lovable...probably would have shanked you.
♥.
(True.
He’s pretty good about that.)
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Life
isn't perfect. But love doesn't care. ♥
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They
say that happiness is being married to your best friend. They also say that
happiness is a warm puppy. Just wanted to let you know that I have tested both
theories and have concluded that both are..in fact..true statements. I love
you. ♥.
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Today
I love you more than Telemarketers love Dinnertime. ♥.
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Life
happens. Love helps. XOX ♥.
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So there you have it. Random and Real. My life in a nutshell. Enjoy!
XOX
