The Old Man and The Rain...

Yesterday was my sweet husbands birthday. And not just any old birthday..oh no...the big four oh. That's right...my husband is officially over the hill. I have been giving him lots of shit since the beginning of the year....you know..."hahaha this is the year. This is the year that you break the seal. It's all down hill from here. OMG...was that a hip I heard breaking? Is your hair grey yet? Wanna go pick out a cemetery plot?"...shit like that. Thank goodness that I have...well...let's just say...thank goodness he's OLDER than me so I can get a few jabs in for awhile before it's MY turn. And it rained here today, which always makes things good and soggy (especially when it's February, and cold, and icky anyway)....so we decided to hold off on celebrating until this weekend when we could gather up the entire fam and eat cake and party like aging rock stars! Woo Hoo!!

That said....I want to take a minute to deal with some nitty gritty ugly truth. ONCE AGAIN (see Fathers Day blog post)...we are at a momentous occasion in my husbands life. And ONCE AGAIN he has been forgotten, and ignored, and well...HURT...by his children. (although I think he is starting to lower his expectations a tad.) And while I think that they are old enough to accept some of the blame...they are learning by EXAMPLE. You see, they are learning that every relationship they encounter needs only be one sided....take take take. They could have called. Or emailed. Or...Heaven Forbid...sent a card. This date isn't a secret....I don't expect that you broadcast it...but the children should KNOW it. And they should acknowledge it...and HIM...especially on dates of major significance. I'm not getting into his responsibilities, (or yours, or ours)..or HIS failings and shortcomings (and, believe me, I know he has them)....this is about his feelings. And playing nice because it's a special day. The other stuff is for another blog...another day. So don't bring it up...(and this is my blog...so I make the rules)...
We make every effort to go out of our way for your children. I post very special and heartfelt letters to them on MY social media on their birthdays...even changing my profile picture to one of them. We aren't flush with money (and we have extra bills to pay now, thank you)...so that makes gift buying extraordinarily difficult, but we CALL them....and we make a point of sharing their day with them and reminding them that they are loved. Why then is it so difficult to show the same kindness to their father? And...as I said, while I do place some of the blame on them because they are old enough to make decisions...I mostly blame YOU. Because you should know better....and you DO...you just don't care.
It wouldn't have been hard to make an effort either....we are friends now, remember? Or I thought we were.  I would have gladly provided you with our current address (seeing as we have moved recently)...or the children could have sent a message on my social media site and I would have been more than happy to have passed it along to him. Although, the last time I checked...I do believe that all of you had his current email address.....
But, this isn't about you and I. It isn't about our friendship and how we choose to express it and where it goes in the future (although after this blog post, I'm guessing nowhere.) It isn't about you and him and your past and how you feel (or don't feel) about one another. And, oddly enough, it isn't even about you. It's about him and his relationship with his children....which is vitally important...and which we BOTH should be working to nurture. (And since we both know the pain of absent/missing fathers..I would think we would have common ground here.?)
So, I guess what I am saying is...what I have been saying all along. All relationships require give and take. And when the only giving that you provide is hurtful....don't be surprised when the taking stops. But, also, don't be looking for continued gestures and goodwill. A heart is only so big...and while I know he loves his children more than you may ever comprehend...I don't know how much more he has to offer them. Especially when they give him nothing in return.
(I'm really not trying to be bitchy or mean...and I'm not looking to start drama. It is what it is. I just think that we all need to be aware of the impact that our actions..or non actions...have on others. It's a crazy world we live in...we need to fill it with all the love and hope we can muster....whatever the cause or occasion or reason. And we need to know that we did our very best by the ones we love...because life is wicked short and regret is heavy baggage.)

Rant over. Wishing a super Happy Birthday to my husband. I hope it was amazing. I love you.....always. Even if you are one foot in the grave. And incredibly old.


XOX