Butthurt...

Oh for the love of fuck. Let's take a moment today..not to focus on anything fun and entertaining..but to discuss MY BLOG.
Let's start with the rights afforded to me by the First Amendment (which I suppose you should know, since you are a career military wife). According to the government, I am free to think, speak, write, preach, delete, edit, and otherwise own anything I want. And so..again since this is MY BLOG...I WILL. That said, it is also YOUR RIGHT not to read it. And let's be honest...no one really invited you here anyway.
See all those fabulous people on the right hand side of this post? (Including my husband.) I can only assume that they manage to read this blog and not get all offended, and bunched up, and pissy, and whack. Granted, I don't write about them. Usually. Except for the husband. (Our handwritten wedding vows, written on a McDonalds cheeseburger wrapper on the way to the courthouse, include "I promise to love, honor, and blog about you.". For real!) I can also assume that if I DID write about them..and they didn't like something I had to say, that they would act like a fucking GROWN UP and speak with me directly about it. (As in..NOT addressing my HUSBAND...expecting him to defend you and your feelings.) You know what is so great about me? I OWN my thoughts and feelings. I am not in the least bit afraid to claim them. I will put my name and contact information on ANYTHING that I think, speak, or write. ALWAYS. You can take that to the bank. I am NOT afraid to face my feelings, nor am I afraid of speaking up for what I believe to be right and true. EVEN IF I AM WRONG. EVEN IF IT MIGHT PISS YOU OFF. Isn't freedom on the Internet GREAT?
I know that you are used to running him, and him, and them, and everyone else. I know that you think that you are intimidating. But not to me. And maybe, if my post upset you, it's because you just don't like to hear the truth. I am well aware that you "deleted" your Facebook. And if you have a new blog out there...I would be happy to read it and follow it. Not that I would know..because, unlike me, you prefer to write in secret. And that's fine.  It's your RIGHT to do so. But we BOTH know what I was POLITELY asking of you. Let's not pretend otherwise. And really? How much NICER could I have been? (Because, whether you believe this or not, I WANTED to be friends with you. And move on. And be nice. Because I genuinely care about you and your life. But now that it has bitten me in the ass...maybe you don't deserve that.)
So let's recap:

What I AM:
Mom
Wife
Writer
Friend
Honest
Loyal
Loved
Loving
Forgiving

What I AM NOT:
Scared
Intimidated
Whiney
Whimpy
Bitchy
Manipulative
COWARDLY

You want the bottom line, Honey? I absolutely expected a reaction. An adult reaction.

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, ABOUT ME, OR AT ME....SAY IT. No need to get my poor, sweet husband involved.

And in case you needed something else to bitch about...I have plenty of other blog posts written about you.
ENJOY!

XOX

Extending The Olive Branch. (A Non-Love Story)

(I am working on more book reviews and a post about my reading list..but I have a heavy heart today and needed to clear up some ugly before I can continue.)

I don't know why today I am bothered by events of the past. I don't know why my heart is muddled with hurt and my brain is filled with unanswered questions. I don't know why I have chosen today to worry about one more thing. But there it is...stewing, and dwelling, and brewing, and confusing.
I suppose it's because I am obsessed with our upcoming move being a new beginning. A new horizon. Uncharted waters and unclaimed land. I suppose it's because I see us being back in our hometown as a chance for us to leave the past behind and just be..us. Where it all started. Where we fell in love. Where we had our whole lives ahead of us. Where it was always only about him and I and love and fun and promise.
 I will do my best to spare you the gorier details but let's just start at the beginning. A little background.....(for those of you that don't know, or need reminded)...a few years ago I was reconnected with my best friend from high school. Back then we were close...we shared our lives...our goals and dreams. He was more than my best friend..he was, without a doubt, my soul mate. But, youth being what it is..we went our separate ways, started new lives with other people, and moved forward. Neither of us ever confessing our feelings to the other. Long story short...we loved each other. For years. So here we are..20 some years later still holding a torch for each other. So we start talking again...remembering and reminiscing. And somewhere in there..well..yeah...love. Love is so weird. So we discuss the future and decide that growing old together is way better than fading away alone.  Here's the kink....he legally has a wife. He's pretty sure she doesn't want to be married to him (she is seeing someone else). He's also pretty sure she doesn't want to be divorced from him either. (That said...divorce is imminent.) So be it.
He is honest with me about her. As far as I know...he is also honest with her about me. It isn't an ideal situation...I'm not excusing it or condoning it. It is what it is. Decisions were made...choices that we all must live with. Falling in love is messy and painful and inconvenient. And sometimes it's a big ole train wreck just waiting to happen. What might seem like a great idea in the heat of the moment...can turn ugly really quickly. Because then you start hearing things...ugly things..things like home-wrecker and whore. Blame and Guilt start driving the crazy train....right off the cliff.
So she hates me. HATES. (and in the interest of total disclosure...I'm not terribly fond of her.)
Cue present day. The divorce has been finalized. But not before she attempted (almost successfully) to ruin our relationship, his career, and my sanity. Him and I have married. She has re-married. He has been granted visitation rights and has been able to build a relationship with his children. A relationship that she tried very hard to prevent. (I want to add that he supported her and their children..financially and otherwise..for years before he was legally instructed to do so.). We have all moved on, moved forward, and moved toward happily ever after.
And we ARE happy. Mostly. Sure, it's not all rainbows and unicorns...at least not every day. But we make it work. Because we love each other. Our most famous and continuous disagreement?....HER. She continues to be a blip on our horizon...and we disagree on why. Now I am not saying that she shouldn't be there...she is the mother of his children. And as long as they are in our lives, so she will be. What bothers me is her repeated attempts to REMAIN an integral part of HIS life. Calling for no reason (an example: she called here the other night (on my home number..in Virginia) to ask if we had moved (out of state) yet.), emailing song lyrics and regret letters, looking for excuses to speak to him. Enough. She needs to learn to respect our marriage...as well as her own. And she needs to show dignity and grace when dealing with my husband. Delete questionable material from public forums (like blogs and Facebook. I'm not asking her to delete her past with him..but anything she posts after moving out is disrespectful and hurtful.) And I am politely asking that she stop calling him an asshole (or worse) when he doesn't do things as she would like. And please stop doing it in the presence of myself or his children. (It reflects negatively only on you.) But I am sure she would disagree.
So I have an offer for her....how about we agree to disagree? We are never going to coexist in the same bubble (not for lack of trying on my part.)...but we can learn to tolerate each other...and we HAVE to learn. We have to learn for your children.
So let me start by apologizing. I am sorry if I, personally, have hurt you. I am sorry if I have been unfair or unkind to you. I am sorry that we were unable or unwilling to maintain the friendship that we began. It is truly heartbreaking to me.
You and I have both been hurt. We are both broken, and dark, and twisty, and flawed. We are human. Which means that we are also loving, and healing, and forgiving. We may never be able to forget the things that we keep...but we can learn to make peace with them.
About your children....you are their mother. You always will be. I only want to be their friend. I want to experience them, laugh with them, share them, learn from them, and love them. I do not expect them to love me back...but I do hope that someday they will learn to LIKE me..even just a little. I have much to offer them...and you. And while I know that this is hard for you...I love their father. I want only the best for all of us. It is a difficult situation...
So there it is...we can choose to move on, to change, to grow, to be better. We can give your children peace and teach them love. We can ALL offer them lives that they deserve. We can make them proud. Or we can stand still. We can hide behind anger. We can breed bitterness and cultivate resentments.
I am following my heart. I continue to pray for hers. And yours.

XOX

Honor.

Any nation that does not honor its heroes will not long endure. Abraham Lincoln

Thank you to those who have known that defeat is optional, heroism is contagious, and freedom is fragile. And even though my hero is now safely retired, I am..and ever will be..a PROUD Navy wife.

Happy Memorial Day.

XOX

Drivel ISO Submissive Brunette...

Fifty Shades Of Grey. Fifty Shades Darker. Fifty Shades Freed. Fifty Million Shades of Crap. I just finished book three of this dismal trilogy and I have some things to say...not that this should surprise anyone.
A little on expectations. I am a researcher. So I will read reviews and blurbs and blogs and tell alls about a book before I start it. I like to know what I'm getting in to. This had all the makings of a sweeping euphoric love story. With a little hot sex thrown in. I should insert here that I am NOT a huge fan of sweeping euphoric love stories. But, you know, I like hot sex. So what the Hell, right?
WRONG.

(Spoiler Alert...I'm gonna tell you about all 3 books. If you don't want to know what happens..as if you couldn't predict it yourself..stop reading. NOW.)

The premise of the story is that ridiculously excessively unrealistically stupidly uber rich (not to mention ridiculously excessively unrealistically stupidly uber hot) guy meets shy clumsy nerdy young virginal mouthy opinionated sultry college girl. She thinks he's wonderful. He thinks she would make a wonderful submissive. Let's address all the problems present in this first paragraph. 1.No one is that rich...no one. (He tells our fearless heroine at one point that he makes like one hundred thousand dollars an hour. Sure you do.) 2. No one is that hot. If he is..he isn't into girls and that's a TOTALLY different book folks. 3. How many 21 year old college graduates do you know that rarely drink...and are virgins? OH...and she lands her amazing dream job right out of the gate (presumably with no help from Mr. Influential...). RIGHT. I wish my college experience had been so sweet. I digress.
Begin relationship. Megagazzillionbagillionaire (Christian) tries to "woo" curious interested willing ingenue (Ana). Against the advice of her "inner goddess", her subconscious, and her roommate/best friend..she decides to give the whole Dom/Sub thing a go. Oh..but she has questions. And rules. And all kinds of weird shit that he has to explain to her. What part of this doesn't she get? So he is oh so patient with her...because she amuses and intrigues him...or whatever. But he is introducing himself as her 'boyfriend'....WHAT? Problems: 1. Still too rich. 2. She's got WAY too many voices in her head. 3. I forgot the part where she doesn't even have her own computer to research her questions. And REALLY? You are just gonna type 'Submissive' into the Google and see what happens? REALITY CHECK!
So here we are....full fledged weirdo bizarro relationship. And then it hits me (no pun intended)...he is beating the crap out of her. And she is afraid of him. And she worries about doing or saying the wrong thing. Sister...I have done this. It's called abuse. It's bad. It should not be turning you on. WAIT...I forgot the best part.....so control freak Christian finds out that Ana is a virgin. LAWD! Now it is his personal mission to mix in "plain old vanilla sex" with "kinky fuckery". Let me explain that the plain old vanilla is still weirder than any sex I have ever had. EVER. So there's that. So he basically buys her new clothes, new cars, makes her doctors appointments, buys her laptops and Blackberrys (I wonder here if they paid for royalty rights?)..all the while feeling a strange sense of..what? (You see where this is going right?) Can anyone say Ho?
End of book one finds that Christian has smacked Ana's bare ass with...I forget..something. And she cries and boo hoos.....and decides that it's all just TOO MUCH. And she leaves him.
Book two begins with the run down of her utter misery. She hasn't eaten. Or slept. All she does is cry and work. Speaking of crying...I should mention here that this woman cries ALL THE TIME. He buys her a gift. Cry. He doesn't buy her a gift. Cry. She loves him. Cry. She hates him. Cry. She is a walking advertisement for Prozac. She can't stand life without Christian in it. So back together they go. Only to discover that he was equally destroyed without her. BLAH. Whatever.
So now they are blissfully happy. Oh except for the unanswered questions she still has about his past, and the fear of what will happen to her, and OH...the crazy ex Sub who is now stalking her. FULL ON ALERT. Beefed up security detail, Ana's insecurities, Christian's insecurities....these two are MADE for each other. So much drama. Meanwhile, she is meeting his parents, his brother is dating her roommate/best friend, she is basically living with him full time, and she is venturing into his 'Red Room of Pain'....blah blah blah. I am bored at this point....but now fully invested in the story and HAVE to see it through. I'm weird like that.
End of book two finds the crazy stalker captured and placed in a hospital, a near death experience for Christian while flying his helicopter (he has a private jet too..in case you were wondering), and a marriage proposal. Because, unfathomably, they have fallen in love. Megalomaniac and the Schizo.
Book three. Honeymoon. My money is Your money. Back to the states (because they traveled the world..by boat..with staff.)...everything is hunky dory. Life goes on..sex, work, sex, play, sex, sleep, sex. Ana's dad has a car accident and spends some time in the hospital. She freaks out. Then her old creepazoid boss (who made an unwelcome pass at her in book two and Christian promptly fired..because he owns the company now) comes back as the stalker with the mostest. He has a bad grudge against good old Christian (stemming from childhood in Detroit...) and decided to use Ana as bait. And Ana falls for it...because well...she's headstrong and stupid. Oh..and did I mention that her and Christian aren't speaking to one another because she is pregnant? Yep...he is all fire and brimstone. So anyway...Ana saves the day, saves her baby, saves her marriage. The End.
Oh My Fucking God. I want the last 4 days back. If I had been reading an actual book (and not my beloved Kindle) I would have thrown it into the nearest wall. E.L. James lives in fucking Disneyland. Let's just move past the fact that the books were poorly written. She used the same words over and over and over. She wants to write about sex..but can't use the basic terminology involved. Hey E.L.....Christian has a PENIS. Ana has a Vagina. (There are LOTS of descriptives you could have substituted here...pussy, hooha, cunt, steaming hot mound of wet flesh.....WHY am I stuck reading "there" and "my sex"?) I don't know what disturbs me more...your lack of color or the fact that the sex scenes could have been written by my dog. I was neither hot nor bothered and my husband and I did not have more, or better, sex. Nor was this a love story....at least not one that I care to know about. Harry and Ginny. Katniss and Peeta. Romeo and Juliet (and they both DIE at the end.)...those are love stories. But don't read them...because you'll just try and rip them off too. If I was Stephenie Meyer...I'd be Fifty Shades of Pissed.

And this is all just my humble opinion.

XOX



P.S. I feel that I should mention that this author..somehow, by some miracle of epic proportions...got movie rights. I don't get it either. And I don't possible understand how this could be a movie..it's all trife and sex. But in case you were interested...here's who they are talking about casting:

Ian Somerhalder as Christian Grey.

and this girl...

Alexis Bledel as Anastasia Steele Grey.

Just thought you should know.

Forthcoming Book Reviews...

I am hard at work on a book review post. I have been a crazy voracious reader lately. And because I have read a mountain of books...the actual reviews may take awhile to compile. And I am super slow...so keep your knickers on and unbunched!
Oh...and I am also crazy interested in doing a blog review....you know...all those stupid wicked good blogs that keep me entertained? So...heads up...if you write one...you better get busy updating it. This is your only warning before I blast it out into cyberspace! Show the bloggy some LOVE!!!
In the meantime....
I've been seeing a plethora of physicians (in every field imaginable)...not alot of news on that. We have made a major decision to move the whole fam damily out of state..so busy packing, purging, processing, preparing, and planning. (And looking for a new house, and cleaning the old house...relocating is HARD.) OH..and I'm pretty sure that the boy puppy has knocked up the little girl puppy. WONDERFUL.
So here we are...proverbial plates full. Heading into the end of the school year and summer. Woo Hoo for Summer!!! Pretty sure that in between writing an immensely entertaining blog, paying to keep the medical field running, hauling household shit across the country and helping birth a litter of mini weenies....my ass will be firmly planted in the sand, my feet will be dangling in the surf, my hands will be clutching an ice cold beer, and my nose will be buried in a book!
You coming?!

XOX