My gentle musings...

I am blogging early today readers...so much in my head and on my heart. I have so many emotions that I need to explore and define...in order to acknowledge what presence they keep and to release what demons they contain.
My life has been fairly figured out and straight-forward for some time now. Oh sure, there are monkey wrenches and hiccups, but for the most part I am confident of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. My heart is an open book of sorts...I trust, I love, I believe. I have hopes and dreams, I wander and settle, I crave and am satisfied. I know my limits, my imperfections, my difficulties. I understand the reality that is me, the good..the bad...the ugly. Part of this journey has been learning and discovering how to be happier with myself in order to share that happiness with others. Peace and contentment, in order to be expressed, must first be exposed.
I know that in the course of my days I have been affected by others. I have allowed heartbreak, mistrust, abuse, and anger to define who I am and what I perceive. I have loved with conditions, given with expectations, followed hesitantly and led blindly. This is not the legacy that I want to leave.
Trust is a desperate soul. It seems so willing, so eager. But once broken it is cruel and intolerable...the lesson is crushing and difficult. And it is so painfully irreversible. I have let trust invade my being...I have given it, I have taken it, I have lost it and hated it. I wonder if I shall ever mistake it again.
Passion is a dangerous beast. It holds my convictions, it possesses my heart, it influences my emotions. Once felt and desired, it cannot be easily released. I have discovered it, I have provided it, I have contained it and sheltered it.
Love is a fickle being. It can be born in your heart-grow and brew there forever. Or it can occur from somewhere obscure and unknown...messy and unexpected. It is always dangerous, seldom forgiving, never uncomplicated. I have known great love...deep, consuming, painful, encompassing...I have searched for it, I have fought for it, I have changed for it and because of it.
Anger is a fiery ghost. Just when you think it will consume you completely, it relinquishes its control...it finds a safe harbor...it reminds you that it is there-quietly. It is more patient than I...I have felt it, I have gathered it, I have used it and stored it away.
These are the lessons I am contemplating on this dreary Tuesday afternoon...what to keep and what to release, what to cherish and what to condemn, what to resurrect and what to bury.
My heart is full...

A quiet Monday evening....

As I prepare for bed, I just want to quickly leave a few notes here for you, dear readers. I have had a calm day...made a pot of homemade soup for dinner, baked an apple crisp, cleaned and decorated my house. Spent a lovely evening snuggled up on the couch with the family...enjoying a movie and popcorn. Times like these remind me that I am thankful, and fortunate, to be who I am.....and to be blessed with people that love me and precious moments to savor.
A dear friend of mine received some heart-warming news today...I pray that it is contagious. Actually I have a rather long list of prayers this evening. And while I am overjoyed with the progress I have been making...my road to peace and quiet is winding and uphill....let's hope that the stumbles of the day are replaced with stable footing tomorrow. Oh, and a blue sky would be great too!
A short chapter tonight....my apologies. I am much fatigued and know that a good nights sleep is in order.
As always...goodnight and God bless.

A Flurry of Happiness.....

It has been a busy couple of days...and I am so sorry that I am behind on my blogging...but I promise to catch you all up...
Thursday was a great first day of the "new and improved" life. I am feeling lighter, happier, more productive, more myself.  Friday was a wonderful day...the weather was beautiful, I got some things crossed off my 'would like to do' list, and took my Small to her first concert. What a joyous time that I got to spend with her enjoying music that we both love...truly an experience we will both treasure always. (and I think I only managed to embarrass her once....maybe I am not so bad at this!).
Saturday morning I travelled to North Carolina to visit dear family members and celebrate a milestone birthday. It was lovely to be around people who know me and love me...and how I enjoy listening to the stories from my youth!! I am blessed to have such a wonderful circle of family and friends...and in true Norwegian format we drank and talked late into the night....
I have a very busy week ahead.....my brain is full of projects and recipes...the smell of Fall in the air inspires me to create and inspire and celebrate. I am looking forward to upcoming visits with cherished friends and family. I have begun working on some Christmas lists. I am enjoying the discovery of my inner peace.
Tomorrow comes early...and the day will be long...so I am going to end tonights chapter here.
As always...goodnight and God Bless.

Bliss: Day 1.....

So far so good....I've been playing Betty Crocker Homemaker all week...actually I've been enjoying it very much. I've made some wonderful meals...getting ready to put a big ole pot of homemade potato soup on. Thinking of doing some baking even....nothing like a flour covered apron to soothe a weary soul. Found the box of Halloween decorations and will be working on the house tomorrow....
I recently took a "sabbatical" from work...health induced. I have really been feeling sorry for myself because our income has suffered, but today I am feeling different. I am enjoying being a stay at home mom again...I like being here when small gets home from school. I enjoy the smell of fresh baked goodies in the kitchen. I like walking the dog and feeding the cats and perusing the grocery aisles. I take my time, I slow down, I savor each moment. I am spending quality time alone with myself and my thoughts...I am learning how to relax.
I have been reading so much more lately too....right now, I am working on a stack of books on my bedside table. Expect book reviews to be forthcoming in future blogs.
I am also rediscovering my relationship with God. Now, I am not one of those preachy people...so I may never discuss it again...I believe what I believe, I believe that faith can be a private and personal affair...and mine is..but it is there, and it is real.....and I am better I think because of it. So I will follow my heart on this one.
This time has also allowed me to develop (no pun intended) my hearts passion...photography. While it is still merely a hobby of mine...I now have more time to devote to my art....and my eye is random. So I have already had my first "official" photo shoot (it went very well and the pictures were beautiful...more them than me!!)...and I am in discussions for a couple more. So Eos is up and running...let's hope it continues to bless my life and my heart.
Well....so much yet to do this evening....so I will close this chapter.
As always, thank you for traipsing along....God bless.

Begin at the beginning...

That sounds easy enough...the beginning. And what beginning do you choose?...the beginning of your life, the beginning of your story, the beginning of your past? Seems like all those beginnings should converge and become an ending...but alas. Not for this...not yet. So I will attempt to tell my story, broken paragraphs, run-on sentences, and unfinished chapters included. This is my manuscript...and you, dear reader, are my editor.
I don't rightly know what parts of my chaotic world are interesting to the outside...but from in here? SHEW! A girl could use a break! It has been brought to my attention recently that I tend to be too negative, that I am only hurting myself. Probably. I have been very angry for awhile now, I have been hurt, I have been neglected, I have been bruised, battered and broken. It's time to let all that go!!! So, in the interest of learning how to close that chapter..how to move beyond what I have always known and accepted, how to become the person that I hold myself to be......I am moving on. I have decided that this blog is dedicated to a simpler life, a better life, and a calmer life. I will learn from it, I will use it to teach others, I will grow and blossom from the knowledge that I am not defined by what I see...by what I hear...or by what I am withheld. I am greater than the sum of my obstacles. That is the beginning that I am focusing on.....
So...beloved readers...this blog will be my progress report. I will fill it with things that make me happy, lessons I have learned, people that I love, stories that beg to be shared and cherished. I will give you whatever lies in my heart...whatever peace finds me...whatever joys have blessed my days.
It will be an uphill journey...there will be tears and triumphs. I will celebrate every victory, every kindness, every moment...I will endure, I will survive, I will love. This is where I begin to LIVE.......