Bitches Be Potatin'...

Saturday was hella fun with my favorite ladies. Roadtripping. I highly suggest it. Who cares if you end up exhausted, sunburned, sore, and confused?! It's all worth it...
I am going to attempt to rehash some of the frivolity, bitchiness, and utter hilarity. But some of it will just need to remain in the confines of the truck....for the safety and sanity of the people involved. #TeamShadyPotatoes!

Up EARLY. Pack picnic lunch. Lou picks me up. Late. Head to Heathers house. Pick her up. Head to ferry boat to cross over to North Carolina. None of us have ever been on the ferry....so this is bound to get interesting. Get to boat launch area..early. Good for us since Lou drives like a grandma. As we drive onto ferry, guy gives us shit. I like this boat already.

No smoking. No drinking. No pets. No Fishing. No swimming. NO PROBLEM....

You see that water? Unless that's BEER...I ain't swimming in it. Lou and H "did it all the time"...Thank you for proving my point. The ferry was cool. There was a nice breeze off the water, the view was amazing, and we laughed at the old lady whose dress kept blowing up, revealing her granny panties. You go, girl! Captain comes out around halfway across....dude be all open shirt, bare chest, drunk as shit. This just gets better and better.

Land. A quick stop on the other side at the Old Currituck Jail. Super wicked cool old brick building that I am absolutely positive was haunted. Almost fell through rotted wood at doorway while trying to get a picture. Convinced girls would have left me to fend for myself due to full bladders.

H pushes on big marble ball out front...threatening a vandalism charge. Stop at gas station/McDonalds (a combination I have decided is of questionable merit)...LINE for the bathroom. Are you serious? And this was not an ordinary bathroom....oh no. This was a cess pool of gross smelly ick with doors. Indoor plumbing at its very worst. We held our breath, did our business, and ran for the truck. Probably offending many a native in the process. Doused hands, arms, legs, and nostrils with sanitizer.
Start driving...with no particular destination in mind. Elizabeth City? Sure!! So we go....along the way we saw...
*A doghouse in the middle of a field warning us to 'Beware of Dog'....Ummmm...OK?
*Sligo. Anna says..."That sign said Sligo. S.L.I.G.O. Sligo. That's freaking hilarious." 10 miles up the road H sees name of town and cracks up. "Sligo. Did you see that?". "We had this talk already. Do you not LISTEN?" "I think you had that whole conversation in your head and not out loud." (Trust me...this was hilarious. And became the basis of a day of blaming Anna's medication for poor memory and unheard conversations. Is possible that voices in my head were totally to blame.)
*See this...

I am a hog and I am trafficing. So I need to stop for this. Immediately.
Get to E.C..Wander around aimlessly. H decides A knows tons of useless factoids. Especially about farm implements and fall out shelters. (This will come in handy during impending Zombie attack and/or winning final Jeopardy.) H has small duckling about tractors looking like space ships. Decide to go to farmers market next to water. Discover that All of Elizabeth City be Potatin'! Find and rescue lone blueberry in the grass.

Blueberries. Buy some for picnic lunch. Eat right out of bucket. (Side seriousness...the blueberries were freaking delishiousness awesomesauce.) Walk over to waters edge because cool boat is docked there. Want to photograph said boat. (Decide against stealing said boat for fear of North Carolina jail and A with no bail money. Lou and H say they will eat blueberries and drink slushie margarita mix used as ice pack and wait for me to just get released on my own. True bitches.)

Walk along boardwalk...looking, talking, photographing, dreaming of more blueberries. Pick out house that I will live in. Let go of dream of stealing boat. H declares that Elizabeth City...in all their Potatiness...should have a Potato Festival. ('Cause she saw a shirt with it written on it.) L informs her...a little rudely..that "They DO. I sent A a Facebook invite. Sorry you missed out." H not happy with this. Decides we are attending next year. No excuses.

Still don't know what fish-crabbing is. But you can't do it. And this second picture? Well it's just one of my favorites. Find old abandoned brick building. Must get closer look. Probably trespass. Discover super secret picnic spot (OK...it was totally a public area..but my version sounds better.). Stake out table. Enjoy lovely picnic, intense but therapeutic conversation, and shade.
Actually....from here on out, it's best if you just read my girl Lou's blog. 'Cause it's all in the details...and my details are fuzzy. ('cause she had all the notes. Don't fucking lie Lou. #Whatever.) In fact, I was reading her blog, out loud, on the phone with her, crying, and saying..."did I really say that? OMG...we're fucking hilarious." #BigFunnyEgo. (If you follow us both, I apologize now. If not...read on. Trust me. My comments are added...people need to hear my side of the story.)

Potatin' With Team Shady

Warning: The blog you are about to read is not for the faint hearted, reader discretion is advised. It will also be a lengthy blog. Please be aware of this before continuing on with this post. (Pour something in something and get comfy. And pee first. Again, trust me.)

Saturday, June 9, 2012…..was AMAZING! We had such a good time together. Recap for those of you that DON’T read my blog (HH…not that I am pointing the finger or anything.). (HAHAHAHA....Totally called a bitch OUT!!!)

My dear, darling friend Anna called me one day and informed me that on this particular day, we were going to pick up Heather and head down to ride the ferry from Knotts Island to Currituck and that we were doing a photo extravaganza. (Oh yeah, I have to plan said photo extravaganza (Be the Cruise Director).) Ok. I bite proverbial bait. Fast forward.

Day has been planned. I thought we agreed upon meeting at Anna’s house at 7:30 AM to start this day of maddening fun. Clearly, I was mistaken. It was 7 AM that I was supposed to be there. OOPS. SORRY! ( I don't think you ARE sorry.)

We pack the cooler, and head out to gas up and get the much needed caffeine from the local WaWa. AHH, elixir of life, how I love you. Heading to Heather’s house. Already know we are gonna be late. Remember to tell Anna that I, like a moron, never got Heather’s cell phone number, so, I needed her to FB message her and let her know A. we need her cell number, B. we are late (SHOCKING). Mission, accomplished.

We arrived at Heather’s house, and greeted her and the children. Got into Big, Huge, Monster Warden Truck and headed out. WOO HOO!! We are on the road!! (YAY!!..Cute kids Heather, by the way!)

Anna proceeds to give me shit about driving like a grandma down Princess Anne Road. “Let me tell you something, ANNA…..this is a big ass truck, this road is curvy, like a snake. I want to arrive alive. Thank you!” Shit giving ceased momentarily. (Momentarily. #TakeItLikeAGirl)

Knotts Island, NC. When we got there, only 1 car was ahead of us, and it appeared that we would have a nice, comfortable ride with not a lot of people blocking any necessary shots. SCORE!

When we were directed to drive onto the ferry, we were getting shit from the ferry boat guys….whatever, it made our morning funner. Dude parked us so close to the wall, Anna and Heather could not open their doors. SO, I told them: “Just climb over! Come on!” Anna almost face-planted onto the ferry, and Heather pops out like a friggin’ piece of toast. Whatever, skinny. (This moment was NOT hilarious. I was scared. It was scary.)

We were officially out of the truck, and went up the stairs to stand on the deck and enjoy the view. Gorgeous, amazing, fantastic ride. The sound was gross looking. Brown water is always worrisome, however, Heather and I were discussing how funny it was that when we were kids, we didn’t think anything about it and just hopped on in for all day swimming fun. Anna is totally grossed out by our childhood.  (True. #ExplainsAlot)

Heather happened to turn her head and notice this old lady that thought she was Marilynn Monroe, and just let her dress blow all up showing her granny panties. We took a while discussing said Marilynn and wondered how she had no flipping clue that her dress was coming up to her shoulder blades. Laughed and I snapped a picture.

About half way through our journey, the Captain emerged from his hide-out. #Disturbed

Captain is standing, looking at the top of the ferry. Pretty sure at this point he is contemplating climbing up and riding the spinner thing on top of the ferry. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, his shirt was half tucked in and halfway unbuttoned.

We reached the shores of Currituck and after bumping and jerking our way into port, got the HELL off of that ferry. (It was a very lovely, very enjoyable ride, except for Drunken Oh Captain My Captain, and Marilynn.) (Oh Captain, My Captain!! #NotRight)

Driving off of the ferry, we were wondering what these buildings were off to the right. STOP! Old Currituck Jail. Let the photo’s commence. 

As we wrapped up our jail shoot, we all needed to stop and use the facilities somewhere. Find gas station/McDonalds….odd combination. 1 Bathroom, 2 stalls, ALL KINDS OF SMELLY AND GROSS. Used anyway, ran out complaining of nastiness, and got in truck to commence de-contamination with hand sanitizer.

Lou: “Where are we going? Elizabeth City?”

Anna: “Sounds good, let’s go.”

Lou: “Which way?”

Anna: “I don’t know.”

Lou: “You are the worst navigator in history.”

Anna: “Turn right.” (I don't remember this conversation. #PleadTheFifth)

I turned right, and off to Elizabeth City we go. (See? I was correct. It was right. #GoodNavigator) Along the way we pass lots of corn fields, one with a dog house that has a sign nailed on the roof “Beware Of Dog”, we passed a sign that says “Hog Crossing”, (Had to turn around and go back for this amazing photo that can be found HERE.) (See photo above), and a sign that said “Sligo”.

Anna: “Sligo…S L I G O, Sligo.”

Continuing down the road.

Heather: “Sligo! HAHA. That’s the funniest thing.”

Anna: “I just said that.”

Heather: “I’m pretty sure you had that conversation in your head.”

Anna: “Whatever Heather.” (Pretty sure I probably said Shut Up, Heather. #YourStory)

We arrived in Elizabeth City and followed our way down to the little waterside farmers market that they have on Saturdays. BLUEBERRIES…yum. Bought some. We wandered around and checked out all the different little booths. (Let me explain something to you. When you go buy a bottle of Purell Hand Sanitizer and take off the label and write on it “Germ Juice” and put cute little stickers on it, it does not make that $2.00 bottle of Purell a $5.00 bottle of Purell. I can do that myself, THANKS.)

Next up…walk 15 paces to the boardwalk. Take photos of waterfront. Lovely. (See photos above. #MineAreBetter #JustKidding)

We spotted this old building and decided to walk over and check it out. Turns out it was the old Elizabeth City Milling Company. AWESOME! Totally taking pictures here. (#Trespassing)

Anna: “WHEW! It stinks.”

Lou: “This building smells like a potato chip fart.”

Heather: “Potato chip fart?”

Lou: “Yep.”

Heather: “Look at all those bottles in there. People were potatin’ all up in there. All night long they were potatin’.”

Lou: “Elizabeth City potates.” (Thus begins all day Potatin'. Everywhere else...#Potatin'Rules)

HUNGRY….we went and got the truck and found a lovely little picnic area. Ate.

Lou: “WTF was that? What is happening right now in the water. This canoe is spinning in circles.”

Anna: “Domestic Disturbance in the canoe.”

Lou: “There is water flailing EVERYWHERE. He’s paddling one way ferociously, she’s paddling the other way.”

(All the while, you hear them yelling at each other. You can also see the guy that acted a fool while oaring bailing water out of said canoe.)

Heather: “WHERE? I can’t see it! I’m missing it!” (#SorryBoutYourLuck)

Lou: “Right there! But, now they are behind the tree, so, sorry, you can’t see it.”

Heather: “I always miss the good stuff.”

We continued to eat our lunch and have wonderful conversation, when, Oh Lord, here they come again.

Lou: “Is that an INFLATABLE canoe?”

Anna: (Laughing hysterically.) “Yep.” (#HystericalLaughter #Can'tBreathe)

Lou: “WTH? Now he’s done jumped in the water! He can’t swim any better than he can oar. Water still flailing all over the place.”

Anna: “Now they are gonna get out of the canoe, and he is gonna deflate it and whip her with it.”

ALL of us laughing hysterically. We were eating dessert, and 

Anna says: “What’s in these cookies?”

Heather: “Your Mom.” (I cannot begin to tell you how funny this was. #HeatherNotInnocent)

We managed to finish eating and drove aimlessly around Elizabeth City (all the while Anna shouting "Turn here, LEFT, not RIGHT, LEFT!" Again, I say, "Worst NAVIGATOR in the WORLD!") (This is just downright abuse. #Unfair #Wrong) until we decided there wasn’t SHIT to do here and headed back the way we came. During this drive the conversation went a little something like this:

Lou: “Hey Heather, I love your zombie apocalypse idea about the treadmills. GENIUS.”

Heather: “Yeah, I thought so too.”

Lou: “I’m gonna need the plans for those non-powered treadmills that you are building.”

Heather: “Fuck that! I’m buying solar powered ones.”

Anna: “Fallout shelter.”

Lou: “WHAT? Where? How do you know this?”

Anna: “See that symbol on the building, that means it’s a fallout shelter. Way back in the day when nuclear attacks were a real threat, they built these things called fallout shelters.” (#UselessMidwesternFactoid #WillAppreciateLater)

Lou: “Way back in the day? Have you not listened to the news at all? North Korea ring any bells?”

Anna: “What news?”

Heather: “OMG, do you live under a rock?!” (Shut Up, Heather. #Meanie)

Anna: “No, pretty sure I don’t.” (Actually, I might.)

Lou: “Hey, encyclopedia of useless knowledge, all you need to know is that way back in the day North Korea was a bunch of MF’ers, and they still are. So, if anyone asks you what you think about the situation with North Korea, all you say is ‘Their all a bunch of MF’ers.’.”

Anna: “Got it!” (I am STILL laughing about this conversation. #StupidNorthKorea)

Coming up on crazy big chairs. Stop at gas station to make Heather sit in crazy big chair and get her picture taken. Anna and I refuse to climb into crazy big chair for fear of having to roll out of crazy big chair and injure ourselves. Picture taken. Trip continuing.

(#GoodSport)

Head to Kitty Hawk, NC.

Lou: “Look! We are in Sligo! It’s a place!”

Anna: “Where the hell were you way the fuck back there when I said: ‘Sligo…S L I G O….Sligo’?”

Lou: “I thought you said it was a sign. I didn’t realize you were talking about a PLACE.”

Anna: “Whatever Lou! Yes you did. You just don’t listen to me. WTFever.”

Lou: “Clearly your pain meds are messing with your brain right now.”

Anna: “SHUT UP…Lou…..” (This is especially funny when you consider that we had  already HAD this conversation once. #BlameAnnasMedications)

At this point it is PAINFULLY obvious that all 3 of us have some form of ADD and should all be medicated. (#AlreadyMedicated)

Moving forward, the conversation changed to political. 

Anna: “Oh GAWD…are we doing the political thing now?”

Lou: “Yes. All I am saying is I’m voting for Kermit the Frog.” (#WriteInVote)

Heather: “Kermit the Frog? Is that really what you just said?” (#BelieveItSister)

Lou: “Yes, and I’ll tell you why. He is a battered man. He will do whatever I tell him to do.” (Battered man? He's a FROG. What? #Confused)

Heather: “Yeah, because he’s a MUPPET. You will have your hand shoved up his ass!”

Anna: “Lou is a freak and likes to stick her hand up Muppet's asses.”

Lou: “AHH!”

Continuing our journey into Kitty Hawk.

Heather: “Big chairs are the thing here. Like we have dolphins and mermaids on sticks.”

Anna & Lou: “BAHAHAHAHA”

See random low-rider toaster car. Heather commences in having a duck because it says “Team Shady”.  (#WeAreTeamShadyPotatoes)

Passing by all the little roadside shops, we come to this one place “Brewery, Butchery and Pub”.

Anna: “I want to live there.”

Lou: “Really? You want to live in a place that brews beer, slaughters livestock and then makes pub food?”

Anna: “Yep, pretty much.”

Heather: “That’s disturbing.” (#JustJealous)

Passing by a Lowes, the encyclopedia of useless knowledge decides to inform us that Lowes and Walmart are owned by the same people. 

Lou: "Really? I never knew that."

Heather: "Not really sure when we would ever need to know that."

Anna: "ONE DAY, when your ass is on JEOPARDY, and it's the FINAL JEOPARDY question, you won't remember it, and I'll have to turn off my TV because I KNOW I told you the answer to that."

Heather: "Ok." (And I will throw things at you as well. #SoThere #SomedayYou'llThankMe)

We arrived at the Wright Brother’s Memorial Park and much to our surprise it was Great Outdoors Day! WOO HOO! Commence into park for FREE.

Go snap some pictures of the actual memorial. (Memorial on top of BIG hill. H and I decide that even if they were giving away free Krispy Kreme doughnuts at the top..it wouldn't be worth the trip up.) Take some pics of the planes. Heather and Anna made fun of me for my obsessive taking pictures of the sky for those 2 shots of the bird flying.

Heather: “What are you doing?!”

Lou: “Trying to get this stupid bird that’s flying.”

Heather: “Your mouth is hanging open and everything.” (#CatchingFlies)

Lou: “Thanks for making fun of me. You will be jealous when you see the awesome picture of the flying fucking bird that I have on my camera.”

Anna: “Whatever, you didn’t get any flying bird picture.”

PROOF:

SUCK IT ANNA! Just kidding. I love you. (Was it worth it? Really? #LoveYouToo)

Heading back home to take pictures of prom for my cousin.

“Upscale Furniture Resale”

Lou: “Really? People gonna go get some upscale furniture from the re-sale store.”

Heather: “Your mom is upscale.” (#HeatherIsFour)

Anna: “Did she really just say ‘Your mom is upscale.’?”

Lou: “Yeah, she did.” (There was laughing here. We are adolescents.)

Man hitch-hiking on the side of the road wearing a hoodied windbreaker. It’s 8 gagillion degrees outside. WTF? Why?

Lou: “Why is that man hitch-hiking wearing a windbreaker?”

Anna: “To hide the hatchet. DUH.” (#DUH)

Lou: “Oh, ok.”

Anna: “He would totally kill you last. Because you have red hair. He likes red hair.”

Lou: “Good to know.”

Heather: “He will eat all your beef jerky.”

Lou: “The fuck you say! He’s got two dead bodies in the bed of the truck. He can make all the fuckin’ jerky he wants. He’s NOT getting mine!”

Anna: “YEAH! He could eat jerky from me forever!” (#ALittleChewy)

Continuing driving and conversing.

Heather: “We have been potatin’ the fuck outta this place!” (For real. North Carolina doesn't know what hit them. #Potatin'Bitches)

Passing by the hammock store.

Anna: “Did you see the size of that hammock?”

Lou: “I missed it.”

Heather: “Me too.” (Do you people not PAY ATTENTION?)

Anna: “It was fucking HUGE. Like big enough to fit me, you and you in it!” (#AndThenSome #PlusHatchetHitchhiker)

Lou: “It was a family hammock. You know, a fammock.”

Anna: “HaHa! Fammock, I love it.”

Lou: “This is like Ocean View, but classier. Kitty Hawk is classier than Ocean View.” (I LIVE in OV. #WTF #NoGunsAllowed)

Started across the Wright Memorial Bridge.

Heather: “WOO HOO! It’s bouncy! I love this!”

Anna: “Oh no….Oh no….I don’t like this. Turn around.” (NOT thrilled with this turn of events. This ceases be funny about right now. Unless you are L or H...they are having a ball. Like this is a fucking carnival ride!! #BitchesTryinToKillMe)

Lou: “Turn around WHERE? We are on a BRIDGE!”

Anna: “Make it stop!”

Lou: “I can’t.”

Heather: “Are you really freaked out? Cuz this is fun!” (No longer friends. #Frenemies)

Anna: “Yeah, I might throw up.”

Lou: “Take your fucking phenergan! Do NOT puke in my truck!”

Heather: “I will totally shove your head out the window dude.”

Anna: “Trampoline fucking bridge. I hate you.”

Lou & Heather: (Laughing hysterically at poor Anna all sick and puny.) (Luckily I know how to chew my way out of a restraint. So take that Bitches. I will be treading water while you are drowning. #NotSavingYou #NoTime)

Anna: “Heather talks shit. Constantly.” (#TruthHurts)

Lou: “There go the meds again.”

Finally get back into Virginia even though we almost DIED because they are doing construction on the road that we wanted to take, so it was CLOSED. WTF? Who closes the only road that leads out of the OBX without having to pay the toll? GREEDY BASTARDS. 

Anna and Heather: (Shit talking about the toll lady, not sure what all was said or where it came from, because, let’s be honest…I was driving and talking to the toll lady.) (H wants to know why toll lady jacked the price all up on us. A says "Yeah..Toll lady did it. All her fault. Doop Doop (button pushing sound)...6 Bucks. That'll show 'em.")

Heather: “I will totally Anthrax her. Anthrax is under-rated.” (#FBITarget)

HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER FILLS TRUCK.

We make it to where Chelsea is meeting her friends for prom. After a LOT of waiting, I got in there, got my shots and we headed back to Heather’s house to drop her off.

All in all, the day was a shining success, and we all had a blast (at least I hope we all had a blast!). (I had a blast. Thanks ladies.)

Hope you were able to follow my crazy ramblings. I also hope you got some good laughs in there as well. Anna and I are always saying “People just don’t think we are as funny as we do.” WHATEVER. Haters. (#Potain'Hatin')

You should make sure to check out Anna's blog HERE. Not sure if Heather will blog or not, but when and if she does, I will link it here. (This line is completely unnecessary here. Please disregard. #Ignore)

In case anyone wants to see my pictures of the trip, you may view them here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4146746591675.176334.1374095958&type=3&l=039c10ba39

There you have it. The best roadtrip EVER! Thanks Lou and Heather for tagging along. And thanks Lou for letting me steal your blog post!
My pictures of the trip can be found here:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.3765826077041.151782.1618321680&type=1&l=34e6c162b4

XOX