Dreams...

I spend alot of time focusing on what I want, what I need, what I desire. I try to figure out what I love, what I crave, and what I dream about. But you know what question I never ask? What would he really, really love? I know that I complain alot that all I do is give...give give give. And in reality I probably do. But maybe I am giving the wrong things?
Common sense tells me I cannot give everything he would like. My budget and account balances tell me I couldn't afford it anyway. And even if I could..it might not be good for us. Or him. This I recognize. But perhaps I have let "no" become too quick a response. Perhaps I have let this negative default setting become too reasoned and rational, too automatic. What if instead of dismissing his thoughts, I did my best to honor them? What might happen if the one thing he said I would never do for him became the next thing I did? Would it build trust? Would it replace what has been lost? Would it repair the foundation? I guess I feel that with things as they are right now, wouldn't it be less than genuine to indulge his heart if my heart isn't in it?
Maybe I need to put my heart in it. Maybe I need to adopt a new level of love. Love sometimes needs to be extravagant. To go all out. It sometimes needs to set aside the technicalities and just bless because it wants to.
Hasn't God's love met needs in my heart that once seemed out of the question? I was living under such a load of sin and regret that I thought I would never recover. I thought life was over when a certain setback took all the wind out of my sails. I broke down...I cried until I could no longer cry. I prayed like I have never prayed before. And though it wasn't easy getting back up and walking on, I somehow survived. God met me with His promised peace (which according to Philippians 4:7 surpasses all comprehension.) and kept me on my feet. He told me that He would love and forgive me...and I knew that my dreams would be met and fulfilled. How can I hold myself to a higher standard than that?
Dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes...and do not always require a hefty price tag. But love takes careful notice of each one. Maybe the dreams are as simple as honesty and respect. Time and attention. Listening and communicating. Love calls me to give when it would be a lot more convenient to wait. Love calls me to give when I want to withhold. Love calls me to give even if I never get.
My challenge to myself is to surprise him by exceeding all of his expectations with my kindness. It may not be a financial sacrifice, but it will reflect a heart that is willing to express itself with extravagance. And right now..it's all I have.

...2 Corinthians 9:8 God is able to make all grace abound to you.

So, tonight I pray for the questions, the answers, and the path. I pray for understanding. I pray for honest communication. I pray for forgiving hearts. I pray for love. I pray for those I care about. I pray for upcoming celebrations. And I pray for her.
Goodnight and God bless.