Lessons from a 10 year old...

My birthday came and went. It was a flourish of activities and celebrations. A whirlwind of jubilation. And some serious reflection. I just want to say...Thank God I am not who I was last year. Thank God I am not where I was last year. Thank God. It has been a hard road back from the brink...but I occasionally see glimmers of light. And I am not only growing older...but wiser.
Weird that I stumbled upon a picture of myself when I was about 10 (while digging through the hope chest looking for a birth certificate...a whole different series of unfortunate events revolving around the dreaded Virginia DMV....). I was smiling. I was having fun. I was invincible. All of a sudden I remembered the smell of Play-Doh, the thrill of riding my bike too fast with the wind in my hair, the joys of playing outside until dusk. This is important because I also realized that this was probably the last time that I trusted my instincts. I didn't listen to the opinions of my mother, my teachers, or even my friends....because I had my own. I was going places. I was going to change the world.
And as I was sitting on my daughters bed traipsing down memory lane...I realized...she is right now the same age. She is creative and charming and authentic. She is crazy. (as my dear friend says 'not restraining order crazy..just entertaining crazy.' Right.) Watching her get ready for school in the morning is a revelation..."I'm not colorful enough" she will frequently say. With an assurance I envy, she leaves for school dressed in bright purple leggings, a jean skirt, and a neon green shirt. Later that evening she announces with satisfaction that being colorful and weird is just who she is...and she is more than OK with that. I remind myself that once upon a time, I trusted myself that way too. Once upon a time there weren't second and third guesses. Once upon a time I knew who I was and I knew how to live.
I'm all grown up now. But I am still beautiful and accomplished and creative and extraordinary. Each day that I love, honor, and respect my own unique point of view I am one step closer to reclaiming what I have lost. And I need only look at my weird spawn girl child to see that. Thank you Small for reminding me.
"Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live." Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

...Micah 7:18 He delights in unchanging love.

Tonight I am thankful for celebrations of the heart with people I love. I am thankful for another year of revelation, strength, and passage. I am thankful for wisdom and I am humbled by what I have not yet learned. Please Lord, help me to follow the path you have put me on. Teach me to know the signs. Guide me when I falter. Tonight I pray for the ones I hold, I pray for those near and far, and I pray for those that are lost. And I pray for her.
Goodnight and God bless.