Seems like just yesterday...

Alright...maybe not so much. The actual facts are a little fuzzy...I have slept since then. I mean I have trouble remembering last week. But this part I do know....a mere 10 years ago...I was preparing for an event that would change my very core. I was preparing to offer my heart to another soul. I was preparing...for baby.
Egads! I was so...unprepared. I mean...I expected to love this little person. I expected that my world was about to drastically change. I expected to never sleep again, never be thin again, never...well...lets just leave it at that.
So...here we are, February 15th. My birthday is over (guess I was wrong about that flu bug...7 centimeters dilated gets you a one way ticket to the nearest hospital...oh, and you might as well skip dessert), Valentines Day has come and gone...and I am still in the hospital...waiting. Of course, right about now I was getting a little pissy irritated difficult moody uncomfortable. Let me just remind everyone that I was three weeks ahead of schedule at this point...and little person was having difficulty deciding whether to play along. The IV preventing me from NOT having the baby had long since given up...so here we are...plugging along. That's when the nurse offers me sweet redemption in the form of a big ass needle to the spine. Oh yes, I took the epidural. Because, let's face it..I am a pussy. It had been 4 days. I was done being pregnant. I was done being in labor. I was done. You try pushing a huge headed alien out of..well...we all know the biology of this procedure. Anywho.....
So now what? Well...now we wait. Should have known then that little person was going to have those stubborn Norwegian genes. Dammit. Not much has changed there in the last few years. And you know what happens after the doctor has deemed you worthy of child labor? You get to stop eating and drinking. Who, I ask you, thought this was a good idea? Let's make the pregnant, miserable, hungry woman starve. Brilliant. It's a wonder more people don't die in hospital obstetrics departments. I mean, ice chips can only do so much...it's frozen freaking water. Maybe some sleep? No..they don't let you do that either. They check on you every 10 effing minutes. I mean really? Am I gonna go somewhere? Oh..and let's not even discuss that despite the fact that you have had excruciatingly little to drink...you have to piss. Every. 5. Seconds. THAT they let you do....IV, needle in your back, malnutrition and all. And hospital floors are cold. Not helping.
I know! Since I'm awake anyway...let's walk the halls. Yeah, not so much. Epidural good...walking bad. OK..let's read. Double vision. Ummm...let's knit a blanket. Or stab someone in the eye with a crochet hook. Maybe just a little television then? Election year...fabulous. Birthing a spawn is boring.
Sorry.....Epidural...check. Yay! Let's do this. Or not. Maybe tomorrow...but check back in 10 minutes. Please.