Comforting...

I am still feeling sub par today...which I suppose fits in well with the theme of today's challenge. It did, however, make for a bummer of a weekend. I managed to get a lot of rest...and my very sweet husband took over a ton of my normal duties...of which I am ever so thankful. (A huge big thanks to him for cleaning the bathroom...which was on my to do list for this weekend. I hope that doesn't mean I have to have sex with him now. *cough cough* I think I am still feeling poorly....wink.)
Now that I've shared WAY too much information with you...

Favorite Comfort Food:

My mothers homemade fudge. She doesn't make it very often, so it's truly a treat when I can get it...and I remember holidays and special occasions and tins full of the chocolaty confection. It always makes me happy when I know it's around...and she bribes me home with promises of it..even now.
My husbands egg gravy. He makes it for me when I am ill, or sad, or hungover. With my weird stomach, sometimes it's the only thing I can tolerate...but he just whips up a batch and never questions it. If he's feeling exceptionally generous, he'll also make up some of his delicious Tapioca...another of my comfort foods. He's pretty good to me like that.

Don't get me wrong...I love food. There are a LOT of foods that bring me comfort and make me really happy. Foods that I turn to when I am sad, bored, sick, hurting, lonely. But some foods are just in your heart and soul....
I hope you've had a loverly weekend. This concludes the blog challenge for this month. There have been some ups and downs....I have enjoyed sharing with all of you...and I am thankful for the opportunity. Still debating on whether to attempt another challenge in July....guess you'll have to wait and see. Thanks for tagging along....it's certainly been an interesting ride so far.

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Kicking The Bucket..

For the record...I am sick. S.I.C.K. So, between sleeping...shivering...and sweating...I didn't get much else done today. In fact, I moved from my bed...to the sofa...and back to my bed. Eating dinner was the highlight of my day.
Impressive, huh?
Blogging...not on the top of my priority list. Besides....my Bucket List has been posted very plainly on the side of my blog for AGES for anyone to read...anytime they wanted to read it.
But, for the sake of argument....hows about I just copy and paste it here for you?

Top Things On My Bucket List:

01. Travel the World (or at least see America).
02. Learn to Knit and/or Crochet.
03. Learn to Quilt.
04. Get to My Goal Weight. Maintain it.
05. Plant a Garden.
06. Buy a House.
07. Grow Out My Hair.
08. Own My Own Studio.
09. Publish A Book.
10. Take My Family To Disney World.
11. Get Married. Someday.  COMPLETED! 11.22.11
12. Learn to Play Golf.
13. Read My Bible Again.
14. Learn to Change A Tire, My Oil, and The Windshield Wipers.
15. Take Photography Classes.
16. Become Involved in School, Community, and Local Politics.
17. Recycle.
18. Learn to Speak Norwegian.
19. Experience a Christian Louboutin Boutique.
20. Spend a Day Practicing Random Acts of Kindness.
21. Take a Cooking Class.
22. Go to Mardi Gras. Get Beads.
23. Learn to Play the Piano. Let My Mom Be My Teacher.
24. Join or Start a Book Club.
25. Go to The Kentucky Derby. Wear a Great Hat.
26. Visit Norway. Bicycle the Countryside.
27. Research and Discover My Ancestry. Create a Family Tree.
28. Play Poker in Vegas.
29. Host a Dinner Party.
30. Go Shopping in Paris.
31. Tour Savannah Georgia.
32. Gather Favorite Family Recipes. Create a Cookbook.
33. Earn a Master's Degree.
34. Go On a Safari.
35. Swim With Dolphins.
36. Celebrate a 50th Wedding Anniversary (or as close as we can get!)
37. See a Lantern Festival.


I don't rightly know how feasible some of those lofty goals are....but a good chunk of them I plan on getting done. Sooner rather than later. And I add to it constantly. Which I suppose is a good thing.
Because as they say in one of my all time favorite movies....'Get busy living or get busy dying.'
Which are you doing?

See ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

Boo Hoo...

I have been dealing with a migraine of the worst kind today...and, while it has eased up a tad, I have forced myself up long enough to write this blog and provide food for my Small....because, well, that's evidently my job. So...you will take what you get today...and be happy with it.

Last Time I Cried:

Recently.

I really don't think that requires further explanation. Boo hoo...cry cry..move on.
Eating, medicating, sleeping and healing...in order to fully enjoy my weekend with my family. Sending positive vibes to all of you.

See ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

The Feels..

Short, sweet, and to the point tonight. I got shit to do...I got a life...and I got better places to be. Not that I don't love y'all....

What Makes Me Feel Better, Always?:

My Kid and My Hubs. No question. They might drive me crazy, drive me to the edge of insanity, and drive me to drink....but they are, without a doubt, the glue that holds our fierce little clan together. They make me laugh when I don't want to, let me rage when I need to, and take care of me when I'm broken. THEY make me feel better.....all ways and always.

And I suppose they always will. Good to know whose got your back.
Ready for the weekend. Gonna live it happy here!

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Bloggy Love..

Before I begin, I feel it necessary to address a couple of key points. I don't now..nor have I ever..professed to know everything or have all the answers. Life is a crap shoot...we're all just kinda wingin' it. Myself included. I use a lot of fancy ten cent words...but I don't claim to be smarter than anyone else. They're just words. I'm not perfect..and I don't expect perfection from others. And finally, I have a ton of opinions...but that's all they are...opinions. MINE. And seeing how this is my blog...there's probably a pretty good chance I'm gonna share them. Right or wrong.
Just callin' it like I see it.
If you're reading anything else into this blog than what it is...chances are you're reading it wrong..and you should probably stop.
BUT, if my "know it all" attitude, my life lessons learned the hard way, or my snarky opinions bother you...you can attempt to argue your point with me...or, better yet, you can kindly see your way out. I'm not looking to make enemies...but I certainly don't need to be sugar coating reality for anybody elses comfort either. If you're my friend...I think you can handle me. And all my shit.
Now that we have that settled...

A few weeks ago I would have written a very different post for this challenge. But, you know...shit happens. Whatever. Luckily, I read...follow...and LOVE a TON of blogs...so it shouldn't be too hard to share 5 of them with you. RIGHT?!

5 Favorite Blogs: In no particular order.

1. Eos Photography. Me. http://eos-photography.blogspot.com/ Did you see what I did there? No shame in a little personal plug. If you think I'm awesome here...check out my photography blog. The awesomeness continues there.
2. The Pioneer Woman. Ree Drummond. http://thepioneerwoman.com/ I love her. I met her once...and she is just as lovely in person as she is on television, in her books, and on her blog. I've made several of her recipes...always with fabulous outcomes, followed much of her photography advice, and entered many of her contests (haven't won yet...but crossing my fingers!).
3. Sweaters For Days. Jennifer Armintrout. http://jennytrout.blogspot.com/?zx=8539074cd7e87226 This bitch is hilarious. I have stalker love for her. We share a hatred for Fifty Shades of Grey, we both swear profusely and don't have a problem with it, she blogs about cake, and she keeps shit real. What's NOT to love?
4. YA Paranormal Author. Heather Hildenbrand. http://heatherhildenbrand.blogspot.com/ This bitch is awesomesauce. I've talked of her many many times before on here...but she deserves all the shout outs she can get. She is the author with the mostest...cool books, hot studly men, and screaming fans. Check out her blog...show her love...and pick up a book or two while you're at it. I promise you will thank me. (OH..and you might even notice a familiar blog link over on hers...we're pals and all! <3!)
5. Saturday Morning Confusion. Sheila. http://saturdaymorningconfusion.blogspot.com/ I might be a little partial to this one...because I love and adore her so very much. Her blog gives me peace...makes me happy...and reminds me that it's OK to have faith. And because I am so very proud of her and her extreme talent...check her out here, too. Click Photography...http://clickphotography-sheila.blogspot.com/

There are so many other amazing blogs that I could have added...cooking blogs, decorating blogs, crafty blogs, writing blogs, photography blogs. You are welcome to check out my following list to see what keeps me occupied and busy!
Hope that helps! I'm off to enjoy a quiet evening with a house all to myself. Going to finish up some reading, polish off a bottle of wine, and listen to the thunderstorm brewing in the distance. It's the little things.

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Let's Get Physical..

I don't spend a lot of time studying my own features. Sure, I notice the extra weight, the age that's setting in, the occasional grey hair. But, I seldom take notice of the things I LIKE about myself. I don't think many of us do...especially as women.
I considered asking my husband. But, I was very concerned that my response would be 'tits and ass' and I was really uncomfortable with that. So...I guess a self evaluation is in order.

Best Physical Features:

My Feet. Right now, they are dry and scaly and in serious need of a pedicure...but, they are small and petite. And I love that. My toes are weirdly misshapen (I have toes like my grandmother...), they have suffered from years of high heel abuse, and as I get older they have learned to object to socks and shoes. But...they keep me grounded and keep me upright....
My Eyes. Despite the dark circles, crows feet, and the really weird dry skin patch on my eyelid...I'd say my eyes are pretty cool. They are this crazy hazel color that changes with my mood...and can be so deep and expressive at times. I know my husband loves them...and tells me often.

I can't really think of anything else. That seems like a weird combination..feet and eyes. I can tell you that this post has motivated me to work on some of the things I like a little less about myself...like that extra weight and those dark circles. Can't do much about the age....but I certainly don't have to LOOK it.
And I suppose you gotta start somewhere.

See ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

Difficulties..

I started on a new medication regimen today, and quite honestly I am still recovering from the effects of it all. So basically, I really don't feel like being here...on this blog...and sharing with you extremely personal details regarding today's challenge. It isn't like I haven't ever told you the stories anyway.
Let's face it...we all go through difficult times in our lives. Life sucks. Sometimes it's a struggle just to get out of bed. But we push through..and we move on..and we get better. Or we die trying.
I really wanted to bow out gracefully today...to NOT complete this challenge...to just casually skip over it and move right on into tomorrow. But I realized that I made a commitment to you and to myself to write daily...even if it was hard, even if it was inconvenient, even if it was ugly and painful.
But like I said...if you follow this blog...you already know my story.

A Difficult Time In My Life:

2010.

That's all. I don't feel the need to explain it, or excuse it, or even discuss it. It is what it is...and, thankfully, it's all in the past. I don't want your pity..I don't need you to feel fucking sorry for me. I'm better because of what I've been through...and I'm thankful for it.

So there you go. I'm heading back to my bed..book in hand...not a damn thing having been accomplished today. And I am, surprisingly, really OK with that.

See ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

Peeved..

Let's keep it real here. This post COULD have gotten me in a TON of trouble....but, I've done a little growing (up as some would like to say)...changing...and re-inventing lately. I've learned some things about what NOT to say and do. And I've discovered that fire does NOT, in fact, have to be fought with fire. Because peace is always better than conflict...and at this stage in the game, does it really matter whose right or wrong, or whose side you're on? Nope. 
Sometimes your choices define you. Good or bad. I'm opting to keep mine (from here on out) on the good side.
Thanks husband for the reminder.

Pet Peeves:

1. Cereal milk left in a bowl by the sink. A..because my puppies would totally dispose of that, being that they are garbage guts. B..because I do the dishes around here..and I'm sick of dealing with that shit. C..because it's gross and my OCD can't handle it.
2. An open shower curtain. I can't really explain it...it's just a peeve of mine. Close the bitch when you get done showering...it saves everyone from having to stare at my used razor or half used bottles of Bath and Body Works soap. Also, it prevents me from stressing about how much I really need to clean the shower....every single time I pee. Which is A LOT.
3. Toothpaste remnants in the sink. This one makes my stomach actually turn a little. That shit has come out of your MOUTH...granted it's relatively clean, because you just brushed them...but STILL it's mixed with spit and DNA and all the shit you ate for breakfast. It's just gross...rinse that shit out. Really.
4. His beard hair all over my sink and floor. I don't KNOW how many times I have flipped a gasket over this one...you'd think by now he would fucking know better. I could have made another husband out of all the shit he shaves off his body. I appreciate that you like to keep yourself nicely groomed for me and all....but, seriously, clean that shit up.
5. I don't know if y'all know this...but your car comes with a little safety device on the steering column. If you research this, you will find a secret stick that activates a blinking light on the outside of your car. This light indicates to other drivers which way you plan on fucking going. Turn signals...if you don't use them, I automatically assume you're a douchebag in all other areas of your life as well.

I could do this all day. Seems as if I am chock full of peevies....and not all of them are especially printable here. Like I said...just trying to do my thing...and ruffle as few feathers as possible.
Because I've learned I can totally do THAT without even trying.

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Music Therapy..

The challenge for today was fun, and really hard, and therapeutic. I got to listen to some of my favorite music..whittle down to a list of TEN (so so so fucking hard)...and share all of it with all of you!
I love music. Multiple genres. Different sounds and styles. Spanning eras. I grew up listening to The Beatles, Neil Diamond, The Eagles, Elvis. I went through high school rocking out to the very best of the hair bands (mostly to piss off my mother)...but also spent a ton of time loving theatre and musicals. I still get flashbacks when I hear Scorpion, Kiss, and Cinderella....and my husband and I have a very deep and personal connection to Phantom Of The Opera and Billy Joel (OK..admittedly not in the musical category...but keep up.). I love Country music...and there are songs that touch my heart and soul, songs that take me back, and songs that I will keep forever....but country music is like that. It can be a Hell of a Party...or make you wish you were cryin' in a corner.
Back when I was cooler...when I would get music stuck in my head, it would be a show tune, or the most current Top 40 hit, or a sweeping country ballad. Now...I find myself singing the theme song to Phineas and Ferb in the shower, humming the iCarly diddy, or being kept awake by the annoying repetition of Ant Farm. I don't know when that happened...but it's EXTREMELY fucking annoying. My Small and I were discussing this problem the other day...when I was explaining that she really needed to watch different television (you know, in order to save my sanity?)...her response? "It's better than having the Snapped song stuck in your head." Me: "There IS no theme for that" Her: "Dunh dunh dunh".....I laughed and rationalized that she was, once again, completely correct. Phineas and Ferb is probably much more socially acceptable.

10 Favorite Songs: In no particular order.

1. Imagine ~ The Beatles. I love this song so much because it completely describes my whole approach to life. I am a deep in my heart hippie...I just want a little peace, a little positive outlook, and a LOT less hate. LOVE and PEACE...the world needs more of it.
2. Moon River ~ Harry Mancini. Sung by Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast At Tiffany's...it is one of my favorite movies ever..and a beautiful song to boot.
3. I Won't Give Up ~ Jason Mraz. I dedicated this song to my husband...shortly after we got married. Reminding us that we are in this forever, that love always wins, and that we are greater than the stars.
4. I Will Wait ~ Mumford and Sons. I love this song. Actually, I love everything by M&S. This song just has an amazing message...forgiveness, shaking the excess, using both your head and your heart to make decisions, and moving on together. I think it may have some religious inferences....aligning your head and your heart to Him, kneeling down in prayer, and staying humble. It's a great song.
5. Shut Up Train ~ Little Big Town. This song got me through some REALLY hard times and reminded me that I just needed to breathe and be alive. I honestly don't want to explain it any more deeply than that.
6. Ho Hey ~ The Lumineers. What a catchy little tune...and a cute little saying 'I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart.' But deeper than that..it's about finding where we belong..and finding love.
7. One ~ U2. I have loved this song from the first moment I heard it...many, many years ago. Again, it's about letting go of hurt, finding yourself but still being connected to others, and it's about the strength of love.
8. Love Interruption ~ Jack White. Oh My Heart. If you don't listen to JW already...DO IT! He is brilliant, and beautiful, and in the know. And this song is no exception. It's a little on the darker angrier side...but so hauntingly beautiful. 'I won't let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me.' Damn right, Mr. White.
9. Love Your Love The Most ~ Eric Church. He wrote this song for me! Of course I'm kidding...but this song DID begin my love affair with the scruffy faced crooner. It was my husband and I's first concert together...and hubs held me tight and swayed a little (I'm sure his version of slow dancing.)...of course then I got beer spilled on a pair of really cute shoes...and I was done with the show. As much as I love ALL of Church's songs...this one is STILL my very favorite.
10. Amen Omen ~ Ben Harper. *sigh*. Listen to this song...I beg of you. And YouTube some Ben...I promise your soul will thank me. So sultry and seductive...and such a seriously sweet and tragic song. 'I can't find the place within to live my life without you.' Exactly how I feel about my husband and my Small.

Clearly there is a pattern to my song choices....LOVE. Strive for it, seek it, hold on to it, cherish it, and...above all...share it. Because everyone needs a little love...and really good music..in their lives.

See ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

Missing..

Friday! And the First Day of Summer!! I could not be happier with the extra sunshine and the longest day...especially since I know it's all downhill from here. In fact, I've got some pretty big plans for today...so I'm gonna dive right in to this post...and then get busy living.

Something I Miss:

I think this is supposed to be a SINGULAR challenge today. But I miss a TON of things. Plural. So...my blog, my rules. I do what I want.
I miss long rambling late night hilarious long distance phone calls. I miss watching the Penguin Cam (if you've never seen it...I HIGHLY suggest checking out the following link....http://seaworldparks.com/en/seaworld-sandiego/Animals/Webcams/Penguin-Cam. Trust me on this one.) I miss writing scenarios for alternate realities. I miss being silly and crazy and laughing until I cried. And never knowing what each call would bring.
I miss people and places. I miss the people who have left footprints on my heart and the places that have defined who I am. I miss the roots I put down and the people that helped me grow....taller, stronger, more vibrant and alive.
I miss people who have gone before me...before I was ready. I miss my grandparents. I miss cousins. I miss Summer Vacations with them...traveling to Family Reunions in Wisconsin, getting lost, making ice cream, and playing cards. Probably sitting extra heavy on my heart right now...because we have another one coming up..next Summer. And while I know it will be a total blast...there will still be a noticeable absence.
I miss the beach. I miss digging my toes in the sand, and listening to the waves crash, and being at peace. I miss building sand castles with Small and hunting for the perfect piece of sea glass to add to our collection. I even kinda miss the crazy fucking loud ass birds. Always an adventure.
I miss soft shell blue crabs. I could totally put down a fried crabby sammie right about now. Wash it down with an ice cold beer...summer bliss.
I miss BBQ. Sure, we have some of that out here in Midwest Cornville....but I miss picnics with a big fat dripping sandwich, covered in cool creamy coleslaw, and an ice cold sweet tea. I miss the smell of the BBQ Pit...when it's been smoking all day covered in the perfect amount of spices. I am officially on a hunt for delicious BBQ....probably this weekend.
On a related...but completely random side note....all this talk of sammies makes me want to tell you...I also miss carbs. All I want to do is pig out on bread, cake and cookies. With a side of muffins. And a cold glass of milk. *sigh*.....
I miss Small being little. I miss the things she used to say and do...the adventures we had, the way she would hug my neck and tell me that she loved me more than ice cream, and that Uncle Josh could fix anything. I know she still loves me...maybe not more than ice cream, and she will still..on random occasions...hug my neck. I don't know if she still thinks her Uncle Josh is the man though...that title might be reserved for Daddy. In general..I just miss her. She grows away from me a little more each day...and gets taller than me to boot.

I'm sure I could list many many more things that I miss...things from the past, things I've let go of, things I carry in my soul. But...that summer sunshine is calling to me. And I must answer. Spending the day with my favorite girl child....and preparing for an AMAZING weekend! Hope everyone has a great Friday...and Welcome to Summer!!

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Going Forward In Time..

In light of all that is happening in my life, today's challenge is a welcome one. I get to take stock, take inventory, and make a plan! And I get to have all of you as witnesses....or accomplices...whatever the case may be!

Where I Want To Be In 10 Years:

Well, 10 years is a long time down the road...but I will do my best to give this a shot. Let's see....Small will be (hopefully) safely ensconced in a University somewhere....gracing me with her presence on weekends, holidays, and the occasional school break. She and I will bake cookies, take walks, and laugh about silly college boys. She will play chess with her dad and NOT tell him about the silly college boys. Because his head would explode.
I want to be here. Well, not in this actual physical postage stamp of a location....but in our own home, with room for everyone and a giant kitchen. And a really super nice backyard for the puppies and drinking by the fire. I'd like to walk out to the coop every morning for our eggs, wear aprons and wellies, and never see my neighbors...except during Christmas. When they're caroling on my doorstep.
I want my husband and I to finally be able to travel. He will be 50..I will be on my way. I'm ready to see the open road with him by my side, lose the map, discover each other and what makes us so amazing. And see some super awesome shit along the way. Like the World's Largest Frying Pan. Photo Op!!
I want to be healthy, happy, and peaceful. I want for the drama in my life to sit down and shut the fuck up. I want for this crazy restrictive diet I'm on to have finally worked (making me thinner AND healthier!)...so that I am no longer facing constant pain and struggling with myself. I want to be quiet...able to sit in harmony with the earth and know what my place is in it. And I want to look cute in my clothes...even if the chickens are the only ones that see me.
I want to be a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister...and all the other titles I wear. I want for others to KNOW my love for them, to read my intentions, and to cherish time with me..as much as I do them. I want for my husband and daughter to say that they were happy...because of me. Because let's admit it...my awesomeness isn't going anywhere.
I'd like to have that degree finished up, my photography business thriving, and a book (or two!) on the shelves of the local bookstore. I'd like to have the financial freedom that comes with success...and be able to share that with those I love. I want for our lives to be so much better than they are today...and that's saying a lot, because we got it pretty fucking good.
OH...a bright cherry red Mustang in the driveway would be OK, too. Not very practical for those Midwest winters...so you better throw in something with four wheel drive, just in case. Wouldn't want to get stranded in my own backyard.

Basically...I want exactly what I have. Just a little more secure and flush with cash. And a little bit more wiggle room. Because my life is exactly what I want it to be...and I'm spending it with the people that matter the most. And in ten years time...I only expect that to get exponentially better.

See ya on the flip flop side.



XOX!!

Bad Habit..

Wow. It's been a crazy ride the last few days. I wish I could put it all out there...explain it away...make sense of it. But, sometimes there are moments in our lives we truly regret...things we say, actions we take, decisions that impact the rest of our days. I've learned that no one is perfect...myself included. All we can ever hope for is understanding and forgiveness...and in lieu of that, the strength to move on.
"Grief is not as heavy as guilt but it takes more away from you." (Veronica Roth)..True. I've been angry, hurt, sad, defeated, angry again...and finally I am at acceptance. I know that I've done my share of hurting other people...never maliciously or intently. That relationship two way street?....it runs good times and bad. It's sad..I cry still. I keep what is mine to keep, accept my share of the burden, and pick up the pieces. I am heartbroken...sure...and I shoulder more guilt than I will ever be able to share. All I can do now..is chip away at it and pray for healing and forgiveness. And turn myself over to the people who will lift me up and carry me through.
Which brings me to today's challenge.

My Worst Habits:

There is a pretty long list. And I am feeling particularly defeated today...so that will more than likely translate here. I'm sure there are a TON of people who would like to add their own bullets of my faults and weaknesses...but, I will do my best to tick them all off for you.
*I am needy. I require "coddling" and hand holding and copious amounts of reassurance. I am sure this comes from a string of negative relationships that impacted my ego...but that sounds like another blog post altogether. Or a cop out excuse...and, Lord knows, I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm taking THAT road.
*I am thoughtless. My filter doesn't always work properly...so most of the time, even if my heart tells me otherwise, I can't stop the shit that comes out of my mouth. My brutal honesty isn't always welcome, isn't always appreciated, and is most of the time...a total pain in the ass. For everyone involved...myself included.
*I am guarded. I don't let people in easily. I am distrustful, on edge, and generally reserved. People disappoint me...again, probably because I set my expectations way too high and am unwavering in my beliefs. I'm sure that I am difficult, maybe even impossible, to please...and hard to accept...and terrible to be with. And more than a little disappointing. It's a coping mechanism, ingrained from years of being alone and afraid.
*Sometimes I am selfish. But, I suppose, we all can be. To me, it's all the other times that are important..all the times when I am giving, and loving, and present. But...maybe I need to work on selflessness and humility.
*I have difficulty forgiving and forgetting. I am a master grudge holder. I can push it down under the surface, smile, and move through it. But it's always there....boiling and brewing. I WANT to forgive you...I WANT to forget the things you said and did...but, my heart is hard and fickle. And there really isn't any point in arguing with it.
*I am paranoid, bat shit crazy, and my brain never shuts the fuck up. I jump to conclusions. I am completely irrational at times. I am obsessive AND compulsive. I try too hard, want too much, read too much in to everything. Maybe it's from my weird childhood, maybe it's all those shitty relationships...or maybe it's just WHO THE FUCK I AM. Please understand...or don't. It's MY crazy..and I'll parade it around if I want to. Duck and cover...and wait for the fallout to clear. That's my best advice.
*I am opinionated, outspoken, and overbearing. I get absurdly angry at times. I yell. I act ridiculous. Blame my father. But, in this stupid fucked up life we live....a little ridiculousness seems perfectly acceptable to me. And a little ridiculous can go a super long way.
*(Looking at the above list, the following things don't really seem all that bad.) I bite my nails. I swear entirely too much and too often. I am prone to bouts of extreme laziness. I like a glass of wine now and then. And I would rather be at home with my dogs and books...than with asshole people.

So there you have it. All the really ugly things about me...that most of you are already PAINFULLY aware of. I am who I am. I'm so far from perfect it's not even an attainable goal. I don't expect it to ever even be a blip on my horizon. If I can just make it through the rest of my life...pissing off as few people as possible...I will die and..HAPPILY..go to Hell.
You don't have to like me. You don't have to accept me and all my flaws. But know this...I AM FLAWED. Because I am fucking HUMAN. And the first person that tells me that they have NEVER fucked up in life, in love, or in friendships..is a LIAR. Take me or leave me....makes no difference either way. But don't JUDGE me...that's not your fucking JOB.

See (some of) ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

'Fraidy Cat..

Let me begin by letting you all know that I am feeling much better today...physically and mentally. I made the very difficult decision last night to let it all go...to let go of the hurt and the anger and the crazy toxicity of it all...to wake up today with a new attitude...to be thankful for what I have been given, the moments I cherish and the people I am blessed with. My life may not be perfect, it may not be grand....but it doesn't have to be spent unhappy. And the battles I fight within myself....well, let's just say..that shit isn't going anywhere anytime soon...but I realized that it's MY crazy...better to just accept it and deal than fight it and lose.
I'm not saying that miraculously today everything you know and love about me has changed. Oh Hell No. I'm just letting you know that shit is happening....and some people and places may get left behind. I am accepting my faults, my pitfalls, my neediness and overactive paranoia. I am taking responsibility for the chaos that I bring. But I am also making room for calm to settle...for peace to put down roots...and for happiness to move in. I'm not perfect..but I've got an opportunity to make myself greater than I am right now. It's time to take inventory...and let go of the things that don't contribute to my authentic self. I owe it to my family, my friends, and most importantly...to myself. I promise you'll still love me..and my sass mouth..when I'm done transforming.

Moving on. Today's challenge..I have to admit that in light of events in my life right now, I was a little taken aback by the challenge.

What Am I Afraid Of?:

There are so many things that I am afraid of....basic REAL things: Spiders, Snakes, Bats, in general Creepy Crawlies. Flying. Clowns. Tunnels. Bridges. Drowning.
But I realized that these aren't really FEARS...as much as just things I don't particularly LIKE and don't want to DO. In my opinion, there's a difference. Sure, you can have a fear of heights, or flying like me. But it isn't an insurmountable fear...you can overcome it. You can decide one day that Paris is worth it...and just get on the plane. You can squash the giant spider in your kitchen because you are home alone..and the thought of it being alone in the house..alive..WITH you is greater. A true fear lies in your heart....and can render you incapacitated.
I am afraid of losing my family. Of losing the people that I love more than anything else in the world. I dread every time they leave the house, every time they walk away, every time they wave good bye over their shoulder or blow me a kiss from the sidewalk. It's irrational and incomprehensible...I know this. I can't keep them safe..I can't protect them forever. But, it doesn't stop me from wanting to.
And I am afraid FOR them...I am afraid that they are not prepared for loss, or reality, or being alone. I worry about their hearts...fragile and gentle. I worry about what will happen if I am not here to smooth their feathers or heal their wounds. And, I worry about their souls. Are they right with Karma, Jesus, and Buddha? Will they know joy...because they DESERVE joy. Have I taught them, helped them, given them the necessary tools to protect their sacred selves?
Mostly, I am afraid of failing them. Of not being the Mother and Wife they need...the one they deserve. Will she grow up knowing that she holds my heart? Will she remember the lessons I have taught her? Will she share stories of a happy and joyful childhood....or will she need years of therapy? Will he and I grow old together? Will he know that he was always the love of my life? Will he remember...even in times of want and in the coldest seasons of our lives...that we are in this TOGETHER? Will they both ever know how much I truly love and cherish them?

My innermost fears. The pieces of my heart I seldom share...but protect and shelter. Go gently with this information...

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Bookworm..

I have always been a reader. I get it from my parents. They taught me that it was OK to read basically anything I wanted, anything I could get my hands on, anything that intrigued me. Of course that meant that sometimes my mom would find me...under the covers with a flashlight...WAY past my bedtime...with a copy of Grays Anatomy. I was a voracious reader...devouring words...preferring books sometimes to the company of people. Still do.
My tastes are fairly eclectic...and have changed considerably over the years. But classics are classics. I spent many years in college...studying literature for a living....deciding that reading was the one thing I did well. Whatever else there is...in books there is redemption, and promise, and weight, and hope. I lean on that now....some days more than others.

Favorite Childhood Book:

For most of my childhood, if there was a lull in my reading..I could be discovered and rediscovered..in the pages of Charlotte's Web. I dreamed of living on a farm and raising my very own Wilbur. I grew to love the geese and the cows and the old horse. I don't think I have ever given up the dream of farm living. And to this day, no matter how many times I've read the book, no matter how many versions of the movie I sit through, I still weep at the end. I did as a child...and I will until my own final chapter. Some books just stick with you forever.
When I got a little older, I read a book called Superfudge.* It was funny, and fast, and dealt with home life in a way I certainly could relate to. My parents divorced when I was eleven. It was devastating to me...I wanted nothing more than to be like every other family, every other kid...two perfect working parents, living in a perfect fun house....maybe without the addition of my little brother. Superfudge got me. My husband found the book for me a few years ago...at a bookstore..and bought it for me. I re-read it. It didn't hold quite the same pull as when I was 10...but I still understood it's significance to my childhood. Some books change the landscape of your heart...that sounds fancy for a crazy book called Superfudge....but to a kid going through some pretty heavy stuff, it makes a lot of sense.

Both of those books, tattered...worn...crumpled and crinkled, can still be found on my bookshelf. Not the throw everything on it bookshelf...the place of honor one. The bookshelf where the most important pieces of my heart are placed. They are nestled among giants...Harry Potter, William Shakespeare, Leaves Of Grass, Breakfast At Tiffany's. They are home.

Reading is a gift, a privilege, a pleasure. It consumes the spaces in my brain...and allows me to escape and unwind. It gives me recess from the ugliness of the day...or the stresses of life...or the unpleasantness of people. And it always has.
I am off to finish a book right now.

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!


*Google that shit.

Working For A Living..

I'm blogging a little bit later this evening. For a number of reasons...it's Father's Day and we have spent a lovely day being together and showing love...we went to an impromptu get together at my uncles house and visited with aunts, uncles and cousins...and quite honestly, I'm plain stumped at what to write for tonight's challenge.

Dream Job:

There are a ton of things I'd love to do. I'd love to be a professional book reader. I'd love to be a restaurant food critic. I'd love to open a vineyard. I'd KILL to own a quaint little Bed and Breakfast somewhere. I'd cut off my left ear to be the personal assistant for Christian Louboutin.
I actually DO have lofty aspirations...
I'd love to be a travel photographer. I want to travel the globe and take photographs of beautiful sights, gorgeous people, and stunning sunsets over crystal clear beaches.  I want to see ancient cities and volcanic rock. I want to walk, nameless and faceless, among other nameless faceless people....simply enjoying the journey...and trying like Hell to capture it all on film. I want for future generations to live through my work...to feel like they have held a moment in their hearts and souls.
I'd love to be a writer. Blogging aside...I'd love to be greater than cyberspace. Let's just leave it at that. For NOW.

But I realize that I am actually doing my dream job each and every day. I am her mom. I am raising a confident, smart, loving, amazing little human being. I am nurturing her needs. I am keeping her confidences. I am guiding her paths. I am kissing her boo-boos, mending her broken wings, and readying her for flight. I am preparing her for the world...and preparing the world for her.
And I am his wife. I am holding his hand. I am steadying his course. I am calming his seas. I am anchoring his heart. I am creating his future. I am protecting his past. I am walking...aging...growing with him. I am giving him trust, and faith, and hope, and purpose.
And I shower them both with mass amounts of crazy love. And I do it willingly. I work really hard at both...but it is the most rewarding, and worthwhile, and amazing job I have ever done.

I LIVE the dream. And not everyone can say that. So I'll keep that travel photography brochure in my back pocket. And I'll keep writing, and blogging, and editing....and searching for a publisher.
But at the end of the day...if THIS is what I have accomplished.....I'd say I've been totally successful.

See ya on the flip flop side!



XOX!!

What I Do..

This should be interesting. A play by play on exactly how boring and pathetic my existence really is. And..it falls on a Saturday, which happens to be a BUSIER day at least...but still basically pathetic and boring. And until I wrote it all down in preparation for this blog, I had no idea how much so. I really need to get a life...

Timeline Of My Day:

Let's see. I sleep for awhile in the morning. I have insomnia so I sleep when I can get it..and right now my body is on a whacked out schedule...so whatever. When I wake up...I stretch, I move the puppies out of my way, and then I go make pee pee. Don't judge. You know it's the first stop you make in the morning too.
Then I trudge my grumpy sleepy cranky self into the kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee. Sometimes my family is kind enough to do this for me...but most days I'm on my own. Then I say hello to the hubs (and the kid if she's here), check to make sure everyone is behaving, mental note the chore list for the day....and trudge back to my bedroom and my desk.
I turn on the computer. I check Facebook. I check emails. I check Instagram. I re-check Facebook. I probably get sucked into something on Pinterest or Etsy...or a virtual conversation via chat. I see what the blog and photography challenges are for the day. I sigh, swear, contemplate suicide....and re-check Facebook.
I drink my coffee. I decide that I am hungry. Going back to the kitchen normally means that Small will see me and ask me to make her some breakfast..but again, she's off with her friend, so I should be good. Hubs can fend for himself. Search..usually fruitlessly...for diet approved food. Give up..and go back to desk hungry.
Think about doing the dishes. Decide that task is overwhelming. Think about taking something out of the freezer for dinner. Put laundry in the washing machine. Start dishwater. Need to make pee pee. Go back to desk...re-check Facebook. Forget to lay something out for dinner.
Play with the puppies. Pin on Pinterest for awhile. Maybe write a blog. Work on edits for book. Switch laundry. Decide to go to library...need to renew books. Walk over to library, renew books, check out new books, chat about inter library loan. Go back home. Hug husband in kitchen.
Husband asks to steal me for a movie. Curl up on couch with him and puppies. Spend 2 hours watching movie. Find another movie on Netflix. Decide to watch that too. Remember that I never layed anything out for dinner. Spend another 2 hours curled up watching movie. Husband puts out ant traps at front and back doors. We clean up kitchen. Friend stops by and drops off bread maker and picks up Amish Friendship Bread. We chat for a minute...maybe see her tomorrow?
Back to desk. Re-check Facebook. Update Goodreads with new books from library. Write blog. Procrastinate photography blog. Write Facebook status. Delete Facebook status. Decide to curl up in bed for the rest of the night and read.
Make coffee. Find a diet friendly midnight snack. Curl up in bed. Finish current book. Begin new book. Move puppies fifteen thousand times. Don't sleep. Realize that I never did the dishes, or any OTHER housework today for that matter...which means I will have to do it all tomorrow. Swear. Sip coffee. Keep reading. Mental note to delegate housework tomorrow when Small comes home.


There you go. A day in the life. I'm sure there are other things...like walks with Small and the puppies. Or actual dinners. Or grocery shopping. Or conversations with my friends and family. Or housework....there's always a ton of that. Today...I just didn't choose to DO any of that. Whatever. Sue me. Don't like it? Didn't ask.

See ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

Bag Lady..

Today is a shitty day. That is all that can be said about it. It's one of those days where crying is really the very best option...not that it will solve anything...but it will sure as shit make me feel a hell of a lot better. Or yelling at someone. Or punching someone really really hard. Right in the throat. And since no one is volunteering to let me karate chop them in the larynx...looks like I'm back to crying.
This isn't one of those boo hoo woe is me moments. I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel fucking sorry for me or anything. I'm just preparing you for the next few minutes of your life spent with me. You can stick around...and read about all the shit that I lug around in my handbag...or you can bow out gracefully. No one will ever know the difference. Or blame you either way. That's a total lie...if you leave now...I will fucking hunt you down like a wild mangy dog and slit your throat while you sleep. Yeah...I won't really. But, just stay anyway...just in case.?

What Is In My Handbag?:

Let's just start at the beginning....there's a pretty pink wallet..that holds various debit cards, business cards, reminder cards, receipts, and photos. But no cash. So keep that in mind robbers and muggers. There's a pink cell phone..that got dropped in a pool once, so it's kinda jankey and really only serves a singular purpose. Instagram. Oh..and emergencies. So dual singular purpose. There's a teal planner..that helps me keep track of all the various shit that I have to do and what not. I'm old school, I like to write shit down on actual days and stuff. Oh sure, you can give me a reminder card...and 18 months from now...long after the appointment has come and gone (and I've probably missed it or rescheduled it)...I'll find that card and throw it away. Or keep it if it's got your number. Cause I don't remember those very well. There's a semi-blank journal..I say semi-blank because it's got little scraps of things that I need to remember written inside, like blog ideas, or quotes I found, or conversations I had with people...or just random things I needed to jot down but didn't know where else to put. Sometimes I will find an old recipe, or grocery list...that kinda pisses me off...because that's not what the journal is supposed to be used for. But..whatever. There's bobby pins and a barrette...to keep stray random hairs out of my eyes and from driving me crazy. There's an ink pen...for jotting stuffs down in the journal or the planner. Of course, usually I lose the pen, so it's a moot point anyway. There's house and car keys...so I don't get stranded. There's medication..that keeps me moving and happy. There's a Clif Bar..my diet is a little restricted right now...so basically I'm hungry, all the time. This calms the beast within. There's lotion..for those rough patches. There's my Kindle..just in case I have a chance to do some reading. There's a library book..because today I DID have a chance to do some reading..and that's WHAT I'm reading. There's sports physical paperwork..because we were just back from having that done for Small and Fall Sports. There's a USB flash drive..because I forgot to take it out of my handbag after I printed pictures the other day. There's chap stick and lip gloss..ummm...because I'm a girl. AND there's my camera and an extra charged battery...because you never know when inspiration will strike.

And THAT is why my back hurts and my shoulders hurt and I carry a cross body bag. Because I lug around a bunch of shit that I probably don't need but can't live without. Basically, the story of my life.

See ya on the flip flop side.


XOX!!

Words..

I am a wordsmith. A maker of words. A writer. Some would even say long-winded....maybe even WORDY. They'd be right...mean...but right. Words are important to me. Like air and water and food. I collect them, keep them, file them away. I have great thick journals full of quotes..reserved and secured for rainy days, special occasions, Facebook statuses and writers block.
Having to chose a favorite is a difficult and daunting task. Like picking a favorite child. You can do it...but you probably shouldn't. Words can be very easily offended.

Favorite Quote:

Ever notice that 'What the Hell?' is always the right decision? ~ Marilyn Monroe

I love this quote because it reminds me to not take life too seriously, to go with your gut, and to have fun. It's about doing the things you wouldn't normally do...embracing that "what have I got to lose" mentality and just going for it. It's about what happens when you stop thinking and just DO. Live life to the fullest...or die trying.

Whatever you are, be a good one. ~ Abe Lincoln

This one reminds me to always be my very best self. To give to others what I want in return. To do good, be good, give good. I mean, I suppose..if Abe is to be followed literally....you could be an asshole...as long as you're a good one. But for the sake of Karma...let's just assume he means NOT being an asshole and just play nice.


So there you have it. I couldn't pick one. So I didn't. And those were taken right off of my Facebook page...where they have been for awhile. So they must truly be my favorites. 'Cause I change that shit up all the time. Another scorching hot post stormy day here in my world. Which means I'm basically bitchy and mean and ugly. And hot. It's gonna be a LONG summer. You've been warned.

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Show Me The Money..

Today is all about dreams. Dreaming about being independently wealthy, with not a care in the world and not  a worry to my name. Oh, I'm sure rich people have worries and cares....I just wouldn't know what they are. And I say it's all about dreams..because, let's be honest...you gotta play that Lottery to win it. And I don't play. I've got better things to do with my monies.
But for the sake of argument and blogging.....

If I Won The Lottery:

How much are we talking here? If it was just a little scratch off deal I'd probably buy myself a soda and another scratch off. But if we are talking big mega bucks.....I'd like to say I'd be all responsible and thrifty, but fuck that noise. I'd make it rain all up in here. No..I wouldn't. I'd be all responsible and thrifty. Let's get down to business.
I'd buy a house. Scratch that. I'd build my motherfucking dream house. Land in the country...Check. Hardwood floors...Check. Fireplaces...Check. Big gourmet kitchen...Check. Monstrous staircase...Check. Tons of bedrooms....Check. Plenty of bathrooms...Check. A beautiful pool...Check. An office...Check. A SEPARATE STUDIO SPACE....OH HELL CHECK. A barn with chickens....Check.
I'd use just a little of it to buy new..old...furnishings and decorations. I'd hit up all the local flea markets and antiques stores. Decorating is a process though...so I'd really only need the basics to get started.
I'd pay off debt and secure our finances. This is so boring that it makes me cry...but for real. I would pay off all the things that scare me, and keep me awake at night, and worry the bejeebes out of me. Then I would chuck a big honking chunk of it into a huge interest bearing account for us to live off of.
And if THAT wasn't boring enough....I'd set up a college fund for my kid. I pray that she will secure financial assistance in the form of scholarships and grants....but it would be nice to know that if she needs it...it's there. And if she doesn't need it...well, maybe I'll finally get that Master's Degree I've always wanted. (Or maybe I'll invest it in a beach house somewhere...who needs another education?)
I suppose if there was anything left over after all of that...well, I'd probably hire a quack doctor to suck out and tighten my shit up. And a personal trainer and a personal chef to make sure it stayed that way. And a pool boy...to stare at while I tan it up.
And since we're just dreaming here....I might as well tell you that I'd totally travel. I'd grab the husband, or the girlfriends, and be gone. There is so much shit I want to see before I die....might as well get to doing it. Probably gonna have to invest in some kind of fancy boat or something for hubs though...to keep him busy. 'Cause otherwise, he's gonna be all up in my shit all the time...can't be having that.

There you have it. My Lottery wish list. Mostly very responsible and boring...because I suppose, underneath my badass rebel exterior lies the heart of a lamb.
And if you keep that a secret...maybe I'll share my winnings with you.

See ya on the flip flop side.



XOX!!

Pride..

Wow. Today is a toughie. I have had a ton of moments I am proud of. Moments where I accomplished something great, did what was hard, succeeded where I thought I would fail, walked away from difficulties, or stood up for myself or others. Moments that I made a difference, made things right, made an impact. Moments that changed my world and the world around me.
Life is full of moments.
Some moments haven't always been my proudest. I've made my share of bad decisions...done some ridiculous things....done things I regret. But I've lived to tell about it....and I suppose that alone should make me proud.
And it does...but I've done something greater than that.

Most Proud Moment:

Without a doubt, this is my daughter. She is the greatest thing I have ever done. She is the best part of me. She is the gift I give the universe...and she will do amazing things in it. Her accomplishments are already great...far greater than mine will ever hope to be. She is beautiful, amazing, random, weird, quirky, smart, brave, fearless, giving, powerful, headstrong, and tempest. She is uncertain...and yet, she offers me certainty every day. She is wild...and yet, she has tamed the overgrown places of my heart. She is headed for flight...and yet, she keeps me firmly grounded. She is loving..and she teaches me more about love, and forgiveness, than anything I could hope to learn on my own. She will change the world....she has changed mine. Everything that she does, everything that she dreams, everything that she IS....makes me proud.

I am also infinitely proud of my marriage. We walked a rough road to get where we are....we battled heartbreak, insecurities, infidelities, separation, doubt. We aren't perfect..we don't try, or claim, to be. We struggle...every day. But we are blessed with an obscene amount of love. And crazy trust. And we've worked really, really, really, crazy hard to get here. There were people who said we couldn't do it...who said we shouldn't do it...people who tried at every turn to prevent us from being together. People who worked very hard to ruin our relationship and poison our lives. But here we are....together. Sure, we don't get rainbows and sunshine every morning. Sometimes our seas are stormy. There is never enough...time, money, room. But we work....because we want it, because it's important, because we are greater together than we ever were apart. Because our family is fierce. Because some things are bigger than ego and pride.....
Whatever else there is....we have love. Lots and lots and lots of crazy love for each other. And WE make me proud.


That's it. I hope that you, my very dear and loyal readers, have enjoyed these daily posts. I was reluctant and hesitant to do this blog challenge. Life is so crazy busy and sometimes it's a struggle to find the time...not to mention quieting my brain and my family enough to focus. But I have found that in writing these posts I have learned a lot about myself, I have enjoyed my quiet and personal time, and it has really been healing for me. Sometimes exactly what you need is the one thing you struggle with the most.
So thanks for making my blog a priority in your day. I'll continue to make it one in mine.

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Crushing..

OK, admittedly today is gonna get a little weird and embarrassing for me. Many of you know me...so it will come as no great shock to you that as a small child I possessed a very active imagination. I created great scenarios in my head...and because my mother was very accommodating to my creativity, she just allowed me to do my thing. because really, what was the harm? Besides...now she has some super funny embarrassing blackmail inducing stories to tell my husband and my kid. I could take some pointers from my mom.
SO......

First Celebrity Crush:

Here's where the story begins. We lived in a housing development on the fringes of town. I was young...probably first grade or so. And while my school was fairly close to my house, there was a pretty big road that ran nearby. (I am going off of memory here people...so this could be completely made up.). My mom would drive me to school..because of said road. Now...back in the 1970's (when I was born) there was a TV show on called Emergency!....Google that shit on your own time. I evidently found a re-run of it once and was completely obsessed. I doubt if it was appropriate for me at that age...I also doubt that I understood it at all. What I DO know, is that I was IN LOVE with a Paramedic (this explains a ton of really bad adult decisions later on in life...but that's another blog.). So much so that...and here's where it gets weird and stalkery....there was this house by my elementary school that had a tire swing in the backyard. We would drive by it...twice a day..at least. I was convinced that my "boyfriend" Johnny lived in that house because he put that swing there for when I came over to see him. Never mind how completely GROSS it is that I was a child and he was clearly an adult....I obviously did not see our relationship that way. We were in love. My first celebrity crush....Johnny Gage. (AKA Randolph Mantooth.) Even his name was cool. Don't judge...I was a little kid.

When I was old enough to know better...or maybe because we moved away from Johnny and his perverted evil pedophile ways...I learned about John Travolta. (I have a thing for Johns maybe?) Oh Danny Zuko....SIGH. I WAS Sandy in High School. For real. I wanted a bad boy rebel. Without tarnishing my squeaky clean good girl image. ANYWHO.....I have loved John Travolta for years. Loved him in Saturday Night Fever. Loved him in Grease. Loved him in Urban Cowboy. Loved him in Pulp Fiction...still one of my favorite movies ever (surprising isn't it?). Loved him in Get Shorty...but hated the movie. LOVED him in Michael...watch it...cry. LOVED him in Phenomenon...one of the greatest movies I have ever watched. Loved him in Broken Arrow. The list goes on and on. Fun fact....as I was researching this post...John appeared on an episode of Emergency!. Worlds collide! I wish he wasn't on the crazy wagon right now, that he would buck up and get his shit together....but whatever. That's why it's called a FANTASY crush...right?

Bottom line....there are a TON of actor men, music men, book men...that I get weak in the knees for. Christian Bale (Oh Sweet Baby Jesus His Jawline), Zachary Quinto (gay...so sad.), Eric Church (my future ex husband), Shemar Moore (Good Lawd...have you SEEN his abs?), Gerard Butler (he's got that crooked smile and a five o'clock shadow). Basically I like a scruffy face and a wicked smile. But, at the end of the day..I'm perfectly content to curl up in the safety of my husbands arms and dream of a clean house with no laundry or dishes. Now THAT'S a fantasy.

See ya on the flip flop side!

XOX!!

Rebel..

Today should be fairly easy. Piercings and Tattoos...I've got them. The number would probably surprise you, since I seem like such a buttoned up pearl wearing sugary sweet mom next door.
Yeah, right.

Piercings and Tattoos?:

Piercings. I have never been brave..or stupid...enough to pierce much beyond my ears...but the count is as follows....Right ear two holes. Left ear three holes. I just recently did the cartilage in my left ear and am hoping to someday work into a bar spanning the ear....but that takes balls....and I'm not there yet.

Tattoos. I have five. Let's start at the beginning, shall we? My very first one started out courtesy of my asshole ex husband. He had a tattoo. I had always wanted one...but he said "oh no..you can't get one, no way can you handle the pain, you will pass out, you will die, you will CRY." So as I approached the age of 21 and an impending divorce...I decided to get one. Looking back, putting it on the top of my foot was probably not the best choice I made (in a series of otherwise stellar choices.)...but you know, I didn't pass out, die, OR cry...so I'd say I did alright. Ink one is an orange and red Oak leaf on the top of my right foot. Fall is my favorite time of year...and the Oak tree is a symbol of strength. It is faded and jacked...and totally needs to be re-touched and probably just reworked...but I'm just not quite ready to completely let go of it just yet.

Ink two I got after I left a very long and abusive relationship. I had finally found some happiness, some freedom, some sense of purpose...and I commemorated that moment with a dove in flight holding a daisy on my inner left wrist. Doves symbolize peace....something I had been lacking for almost 10 years...and the open wings symbolized me taking flight and flying away. The daisy is my favorite flower...and the ink reminds me where I've been...where I'm going...and where I never want to be again.

Ink three really was just a fun little bonus. I really wanted my astrological sign...Aquarius..in aqua blue..somewhere on my body. Astrology is really important to me and I am very connected with my sign. My daughter and I share the sign...and it fits both of our personalities. So I wanted to have something that linked us both...in an abstract way....I have the Aquarius sign inked behind my right ear, in teal blue honoring her and her love of water.

Ink four...was life changing. My husband (then boyfriend) was deployed. It was difficult, to say the very least. I had never been through a deployment...this was, hopefully, to be his last...and it was his most difficult one to date. There was minimal communication. There were angry seas and zero ports. There was drama. I was working constantly, maintaining a home and family, keeping things as normal as possible for Small, dealing with abnormal medical test results, and facing some scary times. I was outwardly a pillar of strength...but inwardly I was crumbling and falling apart. I was dying a little bit each day. And then I approached my 35th birthday and faced a milestone in my life. Ink four is a large abstract on the entire left side of my back...it has 5 distinct color waves, two large and 3 small......all merging together to meet in the middle. It represents him and I...merging together...blending our families and our children. Each wave is a person, each color an emotion, each decision we make...meeting in the middle. Ink 4 is our life....suffered through on a milestone birthday, during a painful and difficult deployment, facing an unsure and unknown future. But somehow...I knew love would survive and make it....because I had faith.

Ink five is my most recent and my funnest and one of my very favorites. Because I share it with one of my very favorite people....my best friend ever...Lou. We had discussed "Best Friend Ink" for awhile and had gone back and forth on a design that we could both agree on....it seems that I might be a touch more girly than she is...and had finally decided that it was happening when I came out to see her in April! So, she booked the appointments, we settled on a design, and all was right with the world. So...ink five is a braided friendship bracelet in purple (Lou's favorite color) around my right ankle. Tied with a pretty bow. She has the matching one in orange...but without the bow...because that's too much girl for her. Or something like that. Whatever. I love it...and I am proud of what we have been through together, survived, lived, laughed about, and loved. She makes me a better person....and having this ink reminds me to live up to the expectations she has set for me...and the promises I have made her. Plus...it's an experience I wouldn't have wanted to share with anyone else....because Lou just gets me...and all my shit.

So there you have it. I've got lots of other ink plans...I just need husband to catch up and get on board. I like to fancy myself a rebel...and a badass. I suppose I should at least LOOK the part.

See ya on the flip flop side!


XOX!!

Going Back In Time..

I don't know how comfortable I am with today's challenge. I mean...don't get me wrong...I've been full of awesomesauce my whole life. It oozes out of me. But...there are just some things that should remain a mystery...me for example. Or at least, old pictures of me. I know we all have them...the embarrassing snapshots that you try to hide and pretend don't really exist. And then...you get roped into a blog challenge. And there...on Day 8...your embarrassing photo for the world to see.
It's all good though. Because my photo is STELLAR. My photo is amazing. My photo is awesomesauce wrapped up in kickass tied with fuck you. Or something like that.
I am sharing with you...my High School Senior Photo. Which, as Karma would have it, happened to have been....(ahem)..twenty years ago this month. This was back when I was full of lofty dreams and spunky goals. Back when I thought I was going to change the world and do epic shit and be famous. Back when I thought I was going to leave my itty bitty small town and travel the world and see things and do things and go places.
What a difference twenty ish years makes. While I don't think I've done all the things I set out to do...I've done shit I certainly didn't plan. I became a mom. I became a wife. I moved BACK to the itty bitty small town I was so anxious to leave...and put down roots. I traveled. I did epic shit. I became famous (in very small circles..and my own mind.). I changed lots of worlds...mostly my own. And I'm certainly not finished yet.

Old Photo Of Me:

And because I really like all of you (and hate myself a little bit...)...how about an old photo of my husband and I? Back when we were too stupid to tell each other how we felt and so we just pretended that being best friends was good enough. So much regret...and so thankful that we were given a second chance. Although...looking at this picture, I can totally see why he was hot for me! I was a stone-cold hottie!! OK...that might be pushing it...I had super big 90's hair and a bitchy attitude, but he loved me still...whether I deserved it or not is irrelevant. And he was all nerdy Elvis.....but oh so sweet, and would have moved the moon if I had asked him to. And I probably did. Because I was a total bitch. Or so I've been told. We were heading off to his Prom....he says we had a good time...

There you go. The rest, as they say, is history. Busy editing pictures and updating the other blog today...and then spending some time with my favorite nerds. I don't want to hear any sass talk about these pictures....I was young...and it was the 90's. And honestly...I look damn good. So....shut your mouths.

See ya on the flip flop side. That's tomorrow. No more posts today.

XOX!!

Foodie..

Yesterday I was supposed to blog about my favorite foods. Well, yesterday I decided to go do something FUN with my friend and by the time I got home...let's just say, blogging was the LAST thing I wanted to do. So I figured you wouldn't mind if I wrote it today? Was I wrong....? No, I didn't think so. My blog, my rules. Remember?
My ten favorite foods? Really? if you've ever met me, know me, talked to me, or eaten with me...you know that food really isn't my problem. I've worked really hard to get my body in the amazing shape it's in. (That's total sarcasm people.) For somebody with such a limited diet...well let's just say, my weight doesn't seem to suffer. Just recently I found out that I am even MORE limited by what I can eat...FABULOUS. I love food. I don't like being told what I can...and can't eat. But I am doing my very best to play along, follow the rules, and do what I'm told....even if it kills me a little bit each time.
My list will be a bit different...because it can be, because it's mine, because I said so. I figured it would be easier to give you my 10 Favorite Foods in GROUPS.....always unpredictable and abnormal this one.

My 10 Favorite Foods: (In no particular order)

1. Alcohol. I love a good glass of wine or a good quality Amaretto. In fact, if it weren't for rules of etiquette and coffee, I'm pretty sure I'd start out the day that way. But, you know, society frowns on that sort of thing...so I save the spirits for social functions or nights in at home. Every night in at home....OK, every OTHER night in at home...I don't want you to think I have a PROBLEM or anything.
2. Caffeine. My other vice. This is mostly attained through multiple cups of coffee, but occasionally I appreciate a nice cold soda. Specifically Mt. Dew. It would be nice if I could hook a caffeine drip directly into my bloodstream and save me the work and added calories....but unfortunately that hasn't happened yet. So I will keep sipping away...and my coffee is happy again thanks to my eagle eyed bestie who informs me that creamer is absolutely on the approved dietary list. Thanks Louper! Keeping mornings happy.
3. Bread. This one is not working out so well. Evidently I have issues...figure the odds? So I am investigating alternative solutions (gluten-free bread, making my own, various flours and grains....)...because, let's face it...I am a carb driven gal. I run on them...I crave them...I need them to survive and be happy. YOU need them to survive and be happy....trust me on this one. A carb filled Anna is a happy one. Well....no, evidently a carb filled Anna is a gassy one....but maybe that's too much information?
4. Pasta. See above. But seriously....I love pasta. I love Italian food. I love heavy sauces, and garlic, and noodles! I love twisting noodles around my fork and slurping sauce into my face. Again, I know there are alternatives and options...and I am researching them....but it still makes me sad. Nothing like a good fettuccine and garlic bread to soothe the soul.
5. Cheese. Fancy cheese to be exact. My very favorite midnight snack. Cheese and crackers. ALSO something the fascist bastards are trying to take from me...but I will prevail! Cheese makes everything better....put it on all your food. Doesn't matter what it is. Trust me on this.
6. Fried. Oh...don't sit there all judgy judgy. Wipe your hands off on your fine linen napkin and give me a 'Hell Yeah'. Fried chicken, fried cheese, deep fried oreos. Hell, I even heard they were deep frying butter now. BUTTER. I don't know about THAT....but a good piece of catfish is worth the heart attack in my book.
7. Sweet. Now, I have a confession to make...I am not really a chocoholic. I mean I LIKE chocolate. It just doesn't really do much for me. Sometimes I crave it...like a brownie, or a piece of cake..but I don't have to have it to get by. And I'm not really much for ice cream either. Now I like a good root beer float, or maybe a sundae. I love some muffins. Or a light fluffy Angel Food Cake. I can eat the hell out of some cookies. But that's about my limit. A little bit of sweet...just to round out the rest. 'Cause let's face it...I don't really need it...I'm sweet enough. (Groooaaaannnnn.)
8. Salty. (That's what she said. Terrible...but had to be done.) This is the one. The one that tries to kill me. This is the craving. Popcorn. Chips. Crackers. Pretzels. Nuts (totally CANNOT eat these....lesson learned the HARD way.). This is the craving that I can't fight...the battle that will beat me every time. I am sure that my sodium levels are scary....I probably don't want to know.
9. Meat. I love me a big juicy steak or a big thick burger. Or bacon...oh my heavens...let's not forget the bacon. BBQ with a big heaping side of coleslaw. Chicken....doesn't really matter how it's fixed. Pork Chops...on the grill with some fresh veggies. I am most definitely a carnivore...with a tiny little vegetarian on the inside.
10. Seafood. I lived on the East Coast for a good chunk of my adult life. I am spoiled. I love fresh seafood. There is nothing better than a soft shell crab sandwich or a bowl full of steamed shrimp. Unless it's more crab and shrimp. And maybe some scallops, oysters, calamari, and eel.

Dammit...writing this blog has made me hungry.
Stick around for another blog later...going back in time for that one.

See ya later.

XOX!!